The Advice Column IV

772

Advice Request
This person's friend is ignoring them when with a group of people.

Answered Submission
Hello,
Friendship can be a difficult a terrain to manage. I'm sorry you're having these troubles with this friend of yours. Let's take a look at the situation, shall we?

So you're friends with a new girl at school, but now that she's made more friends you've found yourself kind of on the outskirts of her friend circle, but she still confides in you when you're one on one. On the other hand, she basically ignores you when she's with other people. That is a frustrating position to be in. Now, there are a few different things you can do here.
One thing you can do is talk to her about your feelings. She probably isn't trying to be a bad friend. It sounds to me like she's gotten caught up in the drama of school groups, and wants to be cool or popular, and so she's paying more attention to people who can help her get that attention from your peers. It's not right to ignore your other friends to achieve that, but I can't say it's fully intentional or not. By talking to her about where you are and how you've been feeling, you can give her a clear opportunity to clear the air and figure out what she wants and where your friendship rests on her priority list. It also gives her an opportunity to see how her actions have been affecting you, and try to fix it.
I highly suggest against acting differently than you normally do, or being "annoying" to get her attention. You shouldn't have to modify yourself to be treated as a friend. Just be yourself.
If she doesn't do anything to make it better after talking to her, then maybe it's time to move on. You have no reason to stick around if she doesn't give you the same respect you give her as a friend. Being nice and having deep conversations when you're alone, but ignoring you when around other people isn't nice, and it's not how friends should treat each other. Talk to and spend time with your other friends, and let her do her own thing of she's not being a good friend.

Now, as for your jealousy, she doesn't have to treat you like the only person in her life, or the top of her priorities. Other people are allowed to talk to her and be her friends. That can be a frustrating thing to accept when you feel like you're in friendship limbo, but that is just another fact of life.

So to summarize, the first thing I would suggest is to try having a conversation with her. Let her know how you're feeling and why, and give her an opportunity to see that, and hopefully come to a sort of reconciliation. If not, then maybe consider moving on. It's also important to remember that there are other people who want to be around her, and other people she wants to be around. That's okay. You just have to be honest about what you want.

I hope this helps, love. Feel free to come back any time!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team
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