The Advice Column IV

622

Advice Request
This person is feeling dull lately.

Answered Submission
Hello,

First of all, I’m really glad that you have reached out to us about this, and please don’t be shy or hesitate to ask us or even other people for help in the future. It might make us seem vulnerable to other people when we’re asking them for help, but this situation is similar to when you have a fever. People who are sick physically will reach out to a doctor, so there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to other people when you feel sad and down.

I also want you to know that it’s okay for you to feel sad. It doesn’t mean that just because your other friends are depressed or they have worse problems than you that you don’t deserve the right to be sad.  Everyone’s feelings are valid. You don’t have to feel bad at yourself for feeling sad.

So moving on to your request, you have said that one of the core problems is that you worry about your future. Honestly, the future is scary because it is unknown. And for centuries, people have always feared the unknown. This is because we have no control over the unknown. What you can do to help with this is by doing the steps that I will list below. Not all steps might work for you but I still hope some will.

1. Talk about it with other people.
This might be one of the most expected advice there is, but this is because talking to other people really helps us to get better and feel better. Sharing your thoughts with other people will make you feel lighter and by sharing with trusted people, like a counselor or your mother, they can also help you to get better by constantly being beside you. They can help by giving you advice and guidance on how to handle your thoughts. Talking with other people about your worries might help make you see that some of your thoughts are unlikely to happen, thus reducing your worries.

2. Analyse the logics behind your worry.
It’s what I did sometimes and it did help a bit for me as I would ask myself back whether this would really happen when the anxious questions began to attack my mind. Ask yourself the real likelihood of it happening.

3. Control what you can.
When you’re worried about the future, you can always try your best to control how your future turn out by doing what you can. You’re worried that your friends might find you annoying? Ask them directly if there’s anything that you’re doing might annoy them. It can be hard to ask this to your friends but my current group of friends always does this with each other.

This request of yours hit a little bit close to home as back when I was still in high school, I’d also been in a situation that was quite similar to yours. I was not suicidal, and I did not want to kill myself, but I stopped smiling and began to change. I began to feel anxious over every little thing and worry about the future just like you do. Back then, I was lucky because my parents seemed to notice my change in personality right away and they began asking me questions. I wouldn’t say that my journey from then on has been easy. It was rough but by having people who are close to me, they were able to notice my problems and they began to help me, and because of that it had been easier for me to get better.

And I want you to know that it does get better. It’s a slow journey but I can tell you with confidence that when I look back at my younger self, I want to tell her that we’re in a better place now.

I wish you the best of luck in everything.

Love,
The Advice Column Team