The Advice Column IV

676

Advice Request
This person's family problems are worsening mental health issues.

Answered Submission
Hello,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hate that you're feeling the way you are, and even more that you've been treated the way you have been. That is no way to treat your child. It is absolutely inappropriate, and dare I say, disgusting. Well, let's get into this, shall we?

First off, I need you to understand that none of this is your fault. You can't blame yourself for the actions of other people. The way your mother acts around you has nothing to do with anything you've done. The problem is her. She is very clearly ill, and that's not something that's going to get better without intervention. In fact, her behavior is only going to get worse if left untreated. I'm not saying this to scare you, but I don't want to give you false hope that one day she's just going to flip the switch and be "normal". That's not going to happen, so you have to be prepared.

I'd also like to say that I am extremely disappointed in your sister. As your sibling, especially your elder sibling, she is meant to protect you. Siblings only have each other when it comes to issues with their parents. They're the only ones who truly understand each other and their situation, so that fact that she does nothing to help you against your mother is disappointing to me.

Looking at all this, and what you've said in your request, it's clear you can't rely on your family to defend you. Now, I know you will struggle with this idea, but I think it would be a good thing to talk to your volleyball coach. Send him an email, or a phone call, however you can get in touch with him, and tell him what's been happening recently. You need someone to support you, hun, and as much as that voice in your head is going to resist, you are not a burden, and he will be there for you in any way he can. He wouldn't have offered to come to him with your problems. Let him be there for you. That could be the first step of something better.

Now, the biggest thing for you is you need to get out.  You need to distance yourself from the toxicity of your house, and make a life for yourself. Get your license. There are a lot of fairly inexpensive online drivers ed programs, and if you can get someone to take you and lend their car (an extended family member or friend), then you'll be one step closer to freedom. Then go to college. If you can't take your puppy, ask a friend if they could take care of him while you're gone, or if you have to give him away. I hate to even suggest it, but you have to think of yourself, darling. Your puppy is going to be fine, but you won't be if you stay where you are forever. If you haven't looked at scholarships yet, you need to get to it. There are tons of scholarships and grants specifically for women or people with mental health issues, but don't stop there. Apply for any scholarship you qualify for. You can look on niche.com, fastweb, and so many others that can match you with scholarships to help you pay for school.

I also suggest getting a part-time job. Getting out of the house would do you some good, and it could give you the opportunity to make new friends. You can look on Indeed, or any local job sites you may have. Make sure to look for places you can easily get to without a car since you don't have your license yet.

Now, this is very important, and I need you to take note. If you are suffering suicidal thoughts, you need to talk about it. Bottling those up will not make them go away. The more you shove them down, the more you'll begin to spiral with them. Talk with your coach if possible, or if you can convince your family to let you speak to a counselor, do that because you need to talk about what's been going on, honey. It's not going to get better by staying silent. You can also take a look at www.befriender.org/need-to-talk and  call the hotlines based on where you live.

I hope this helps, hun. If you ever need to vent again or ask for advice, you are always welcome here, and we will do our very best to help you.

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team