The Advice Column IV

745

Advice Request
This person wants to know how to avoid giving their number to someone without being rude.

Answered Submission
Hello,

Privacy is an issue we all face today, and giving out our phone number is certainly a part of that. Sometimes we don't want to give our number out to certain people, and that is perfectly within our rights to do so. The issue here is how to do it (or not to do it really) smoothly and subtly without hurting the other person’s feelings. Now, if you're young (think below 18 or so) the easiest solution is to use your parents as a scapegoat. Your parents don't like you giving out your number to people they haven't met, or your phone is only for emergencies, or maybe they're just REALLY strict, perhaps your phone is actually theirs and they give it to you temporarily, or how your parents scolded you for giving phone number to others. Throw them under the bus, shrug apologetically, and move along your way and change the topic completely. What can they do about it? It's not like they can suggest you to go against your parents. Now, if you're older and pay your own phone bill you don't really have that option anymore, so your best bet is to deflect and give them one of your social media instead if you don't want to say no. Or you could absolutely say that you're just not comfortable giving out your number, and leave it at that. I’ve tried using the second excuse of how I don’t give my phone number to any online friends or anyone I meet online because it makes me uncomfortable, apologized and changed the topic; it works completely fine and there are no bad feelings left. You are not obligated to give others access to you at all times.

Next, how do you subtly get someone to stop texting you without being rude? Another fun issue we deal with today. One of the easiest ways to achieve this is to stop actively participating in the conversation. Make your responses dry and short (like a one word ‘yeah’, ‘oh’, ok’), and don't be the first one to reach out. Don't be mean, but don't be engaging either. Eventually, they'll get bored and most likely ghost you themselves. A quicker alternative is to block their number, but this is not recommended if you still see and interact with the person outside of text. Another alternative somewhere in between the two is to do the classic "ghosting without blocking". Don't respond, to their messages or if you do don't necessarily respond right away. Maybe wait a few days before replying each time they message. Basically, go about your day without thinking or worrying about responding to them. When you do respond, you can always just say you've been really busy without giving many details. Text them back when you get to it, and at some point or another you'll find that you forget to respond entirely. Again, this is not the most recommended option for if you still interact with this person in person regularly, but for an acquaintance you don't see very often it would be fine. Now, for dealing with your sister's friend, I would suggest the first option.

I hope this helps, love. Feel free to come back for advice any time!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team