The Advice Column IV

784

Advice Request
This person's nanny is retiring.

Answered Submission
Hello,
That is certainly a very difficult thing to go through. Losing people we love, through distance or death, is painful for those of us left behind, and that sort of pain is not something that just goes away. You will always miss her because you will always love her, but in that there is something equally sad and beautiful. While this may not be helpful necessarily, I read something once that said "grief is love with nowhere to go." It is love with no way to be expressed. I think, because the nature of grief is love, a good way to help cope with it is to redirect the love. You can't hug your nanny once she leaves, but you can hug your mom or dad. You can't spend the same time with her as you have before, but you can give that time to other people you care about. You can't eat her cooking anymore, but you can try learning or making her recipes yourself. When you can't love the way you want to, redirect it in a way that is productive. Grief is, unfortunately, a natural part of life. We all experience it at some point or other, and we all have to learn how to get through it. Fun fact: the other side of grief is love. Grief is a process that begins and ends with love. Whether you end up in loving memory of that person, or in other situations where you redirect that love to yourself to allow for growth, it is by nature love.

The best way to cope with grief is to acknowledge what it is, why it hurts, and where it wants to go. Acknowledge that you are grieving. Acknowledge that grief is love restricted. Meditate/consider deeply why you are hurting the way you are (it may go deeper than missing her when she leaves). Then follow that trail to where you want to direct your love naturally, and why that's blocked. From there, you can allow yourself the thought and time you need to adjust to her absence in your daily life. In the meantime, you can redirect your love onto other people and activities, and you can continue to do so even after you've "come to terms" or you start feeling better. Grief is a hard thing, love, and I am so sorry you have to go through this, but I also think it is an incredible learning opportunity, and a gateway for growth. It is not easy, but it is in a way necessary.

I hope this helps, hun. Feel free to reach out to us again any time!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team