The Advice Column IV

615

Advice Request
This person wants advice on how to tell their boyfriend that they need some time alone.

Answered Submission
Hi there,

You've said that you think being in a relationship is not the best thing for you now. However, I'm not sure whether you meant that you want to completely break up with him or you just want some time apart from each other so you can work on the issues that you have right now. So, I'll try to give you my advice on both of the situations.

If you're breaking up with him completely, there's no other way to do it aside from just directly telling him so. You should contact him and ask him to meet because since both of you are close friends, it's better for you to settle this face to face. Tell him you're discussing a serious matter. Explain to him what's going on with you and why you're doing this. It would be completely unfair for the both of you as you're not really invested in him or you're afraid that he's just going to get hurt at the end of the day.
If you're afraid of him lashing out or not doing well after you break the news, you can ask your friends to accompany you from afar and ask them to step in if it gets bad.

If you only want some time apart and not to completely break up, it's also not going to be easy. The most important thing to do would be to have a serious conversation with him regarding what's going on and why you want things to be that way. It's important for him to know what's going on and why you're asking him for a break so he can understand where you're coming from. 

I'm sure the reason why you said you don't think relationship is the best thing for you right now because you don't want you and also him to be hurt and burdened. However, since you're in a relationship with him at the moment, I feel like if I was in his place, I would want to know what's happening so I could at least offer you a bit of help or just support you all throughout the whole ordeal.

Dating someone is not always fun and romantic like how movies and novels portray them. It requires a lot of effort, communication, tolerance and also understanding from both sides.

I understand that it would be a pretty big change if you suddenly have someone clinging to you and wanting to be with you all the time after a long time of having a lot of private time. I'm quite similar to you in the sense that I really value my alone time and would, from time to time, feel suffocated if I have to spend a really long time with people. I think it would be better if you tell him about how you feel and that you would like for you to have some time alone sometimes. You should also try to understand him as a person on why he's so clingy and both of you should try to make it work and meet in the middle by trying to compromise with each other.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best in everything.

Lots of love,
The Advice Column Team