Love You From A Distance [h.s]

Part 39

Stella Edison

The past week has been really quiet and not very happening. We've stayed underground all these days, and they say it'll still be long until we can go back to our normal lives. I've spent my time with the guys, watching Netflix, and reading Colleen Hoover all this time. I'm reading novels so quickly, faster than I have ever. It keeps me occupied, and doesn't let my mind wander with the other hundred thoughts. The changes I've seen in myself include loosing my cheerfulness. I don't know why but I've started enjoying my own company these days, which was never a version of me before. But Collen, she really makes me happy with her novels, and sad too to be very honest.

Harry went to Niall's apartment to bring all of my stuff down here which included my clothes, my essentials and most importantly these books, a few days back. I also re-did my nails because of boredom, and also because of the best season is upon us.

My thoughts keep revolving around Harry, and whatever he said to me some six days back. We've hardly talked in these days, and I'm trying to maintain a very noticable distance between the both of us because I've started getting uncomfortable around him. Not because he makes me, but because I'm already fucked up in my head. I don't understand what I feel for him, but I'm definitely aware that it's more than anything I've ever felt before.

This isn't with regard to what I felt before I met him, but with what happened between us in these months. I always adored him in the past, and then when I met him, things turned out even better in some ways. If only I could make out what I want, it would've been so much easier on the both of us.

I find him looking at me most of the times, but instantly looks away when I meet eyes with him like he was never looking. He's respecting my privacy, knowing that I myself don't know how to feel. He hasn't even tried to make a conversation with me. I don't even remember the last time we spoke. So we've hardly been close to eachother even after living in the same house.

It feels like I'm loosing someone who isn't even mine.

Whatever he expressed that day felt so foreign, yet real. I wasn't expecting anything like that from him, knowing that he never believed in love and relationships. I remember how he once told me to never expect anything from his like this. But now, he himself accepted it all.

The thing that struck me the most was that he was purposefully acting cold so that he gets me to hate him because he somehow thinks he doesn't deserve me.

Everything he said that day was beautiful, like he was some kind of poet who was expressing the first time to his beloved that he fell for them. Those words meant so much to me, that I'd never in my entire life would be able to express myself.

I remember sitting and having a talk with Liam where he explained me that you can't change people, to which I asked, "What do we do then?"
His answer was so simple, yet so difficult when he said that, "You just love them."