Love You From A Distance [h.s]

Part 46

Stella Edison

Being with Harry has made me believe in myself, and I've started to learn how to be happy with myself, how to be proud of myself and most importantly to love myself the way I am, rather than blaming myself for everything around me and making everyone else happy even when I myself might not be. He brings out the best in me and I'm so so thankful that I met him, and that we both fell in love with eachother.

I remember both of us talking and discussing how loving someone doesn't mean that you'll be relying on them to make you feel loved, for one should carry enough to simultaneously love themselves too.

I'm not saying that we can change overnight, but we can try to overcome the obstacles which we think we can't fight. I might not actually start thinking about myself or start loving myself all of a sudden, but surely being the 'happy go lucky' girl I am, this is going great. And I think when you're surrounded by please who appreciate you, you automatically feel loved and positive about yourself.

The same thing goes for Harry as well, because we all know that hate is born out of pain, and the only way he can be rehabilitated is by recieving love which he was deprived of his entire life, similar situation to what I went through, but his being alot more worse.

His eyes are the windows to to the pain his heart contains where he tries to keep the curtains down to not seem weak, unknown about the fact that there's a key to heal if he tries.

The most favourite things I do with Harry these days is having morning coffees together, the pillow talks, and when I coercively read to him. Another really surprising to know about Harry was that he's into painting and art.

Like can you believe it? He has another talent which is painting, and that too like the incredible-meaningful ones. I went to the basement of his place with him a few days back for the first time and stood there in utter confusion until he explained that this was something he always felt like doing, and that no one knows about it and he feels like this is not something everyone would appreciate even if they knew.

He says that those paintings depict pain, and he doesn't want anyone to think that he's weak or frail, and not the strong person he looks like from the outside. I know he felt vulnerable in that moment because his voice wavered, and it felt foreign coming from him.

The main event from that night which I still remember is him telling me that we need to portray this like he's the dark ink of my poetry, and I'm the vibrant colours of his magnificent paintings.

He has also been talking me through the toxicity I was around the whole time I was with Justin and how I wasn't able to see it back then. He explained how a person doesn't even love you for real, and pretending is so easy for them. They just know you're a good person and would hate to see that you'd love someone else just the way you love them.

What I've started to believe by being around him is that the pain needs to disappear over time, but the lessons shouldn't because that's what makes you stronger to deal with things in a different manner. Also, you shouldn't put your energy in someone who leaves you feeling empty and does not reciprocate everything you put in.

Just because Justin used to tell me those three words everyday didn't mean that he meant it, at all. Harry asked me if I actually felt loved or just continued doing it just for the sake of keeping a family, and I didn't know the answer to that.

He said that, 'It's okay to let go of people who are okay with loosing you', and this shit hurt really bad.

But honestly, I'm completely occupied with being happy with these four men who actually are the closest I have to a family. Niall, Liam and Louis individually bring out things in me that I never knew existed, just like Harry. They laugh at all my silliness which I was told to get over all my life, and it feels nice to have a bunch of people who genuinely care about you.