The Spanish Bad Ass

Chapter Seventy three: That's what you fucking deserve

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to everyone out there who at any point in time in their lives lost their mother or who had to grow up without a mother's care to guide them if you weren't ever able or no longer able to enjoy your mother's love... I sympathize with you all because I also know what it feels like to not have your mother around you as much as you would like, you're not alone and you'll never be alone, my heart goes out to every single one of you. It's fine if this period is the hardest for you, it's fine if you don't like holidays because they remind you more and more about your loss but just know that I love you with all my heart and I'll always be here if you ever want to talk about anything❤

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I don't see you as much as I used to,
But if I did I know what I would do.
I'd tell you I love you a million times,
Say that I'm sorry if I made you cry.
Could never be half the woman even if I tried,
But I'll try, I swear I'll try.
If someone puts me down yeah I'll know worth,
It's all thanks to you the lessons that I've learned.
If I had to put it into words,
I think of an angel and all I see is her.〰️Anne-Marie.

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Growing up I'd always been known to be very impulsive, to just jump up and make the most times very rash decisions on the spot. I'd always for whatever reason took action or made decisions without thinking about it first and without considering any consequences, so when I found myself booking a plane ticket out and was now walking into the graveyard I knew all too well, I wasn't exactly surprised.

The rain was hitting hard against my back but I didn't care as I followed the stone pathway up to my mother's grave, I didn't know what I was thinking but all I remembered was one moment I was waking up from sleep not feeling a single thing because my heart was back to being numb and the next moment I was in a plane that would take me straight to Spain.

I stopped at the foot of her grave and read the writings inscribed beautifully to her tombstone, writings that I had read so many times I knew them by heart.

Here lies Yesica Javier,
Our beloved mother, daughter, wife, sister, cousin, and aunty.
Your legacy lives on as one of the greatest mafian to ever grace the earth.
You'll never be forgotten for the milestones you accomplished.
Continue to rest in power.
Nov 26, 1969 - March 18, 2018

I didn't know why I was here, I didn't know what to say now all of a sudden, I didn't even know what I was thinking but I was here now and there was nothing I could do about it. I was now really hoping I had practiced that speech earlier.

I dropped the bouquet, I was holding in my hand pushing the already dead one out of the way, and sighed. I stared at the tombstone for a while before I shook my head and straightened back up, I couldn't do this. This was a mistake and I needed to get back home. I stumbled and turned around before stopping and sighing, I was already here how hard could this possibly be?

I took a deep breath and just let it flow naturally, she was my mom after all. "Hello, mother," I almost facepalmed at how forced that sounded and calmed myself as I tried again. "Can you believe I just got into a plane out of nowhere and flew all the way here just to see you?" I laughed and ran my hands through my hair. "Abuela doesn't even know I'm here." About that... when she discovers she'd slit my throat in two.