월광 (Moonlight) [Baekyeon Fanfic] Discontinued

Chapter 40 ○ : Without Her

A few days later (school):

I take slow, lifeless steps through the school door. The chatting in the hallway dies down and students stare at me with pitiful, sympathetic looks.

I honestly don't even know why I decided to come to school today, maybe I thought it would've been better than staying locked inside my room all day like some mental person. For a moment, I guess, going to school seemed like an escape from the deep thoughts that haunted me day and night, eating away my sleep.

I walk with my head down, trying not to notice all the attention that's on me. But even when I'm at my locker, people are still staring at me with those damn eyes. Maybe they don't recognise me anymore. I look as pale as a ghost, my clothes are all tattered and my hair is like a birds nest. It probably looks as if I'm some soldier that has just come back from war.

The uncomfortable attention gradually becomes unbearable, making me want to explode, "What the hell are all of you looking at?!" I yell, making people jump in shock and stumble back to what they were doing minutes ago.

I sigh and open my locker roughly, shoving my bag into it, and prepare for my first lesson. I suddenly remember I've lost my pencil case and books from the argument I had with her last week.

Yonghi....

The thought of her is enough to bring tears to my eyes in an instant. The pain and longing still lingering amongst the broken pieces of my heart. Quickly, I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand. Don't cry Baekhyun, not here. Be a man.
Looking up, I notice that my belongings are on top of my locker. A sudden burst of painful emotions shatter me, Yonghi must've put that there for me... it must've been her, I tell myself.
It almost feels like she's here with me right now, just for some reason...

I take my pencil case and books and hold them close to me before heading off to class.

-

Everyone knows what happened to Yonghi. People have come up to me asking if I am alright, but I don't give them any reply. What's the point in telling them anyway? It isn't like it's going to change anything.

I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why am I even acting like this? Shouldn't I be able to be happy for a bit, or atleast somehow find some way to ease this pain?

Is fate this cruel? That it wants me to live my life while carrying such a heavy burden on my shoulders..? Is this really what destiny had planned for me... that everything I love leaves with a piece of me ripped away?

I walk down the empty school, still trapped in my thoughts. I told the teacher that I was just going to the toilet, she gave me a pitiful expression before letting me go. I know she knows that when I say 'toilet', I mean I'm going somewhere quiet to stay for while, or atleast I hope she knows.

I go up to the rooftop to get some fresh air, hoping that it'll somehow clear my mind and sit on the bench where Yonghi and I used to spend alot of our time together. I close my eyes and try to remember those happy times when we would whisper sweet things and tell each other how much we loved one another, and share soft kisses. I smile faintly, the memories making me feel as if finally, life is in my soul.

But just as I open my eyes to see that Yonghi isn't here next me, those emotions instantly disappear.

This rooftop used to be a special place for the two of us, but now... I'm all alone, and it's just me here. Baekhyun. No Yonghi, no no one...

I feel like crying, but the darkness I've been in for the past few days has sucked everything out of me. I can only tear up, but I don't think I have the energy to even cry. I feel as if I'm tired with my life.

Yonghi was such an important part of me. No. She was my life. I loved her much that I'd do anything for her, but she isn't here now.

People say that 'you will get over it', but the truth is, you never will. Even if you try to forget about it, it clings onto you, not wanting to let go. No matter how hard you try, it will always be there coming back to haunt you.

I glance over at the side of the building, looking at the edge. Suddenly, the thought of whether I could die if I jumped of.

It is a tall building...

Pushing myself up steadily, I walk over the edge in slow steps, thoughts and questions coming into my mind. Looking down, the trees and objects look small, confirming that the height of this school is enough to kill me.

I never thought that this day would come. Me, standing here lost, hurt, empty and posioned by suicidal thoughts.

I climb onto the edge and look down, the height scares me but at the same time it lures me to it somehow.

Maybe this is the best way to go. This way I can join her.

Suddenly, the loud burst of the door makes me turn around, and something grabs me by the torso and pulls me backwards, causing me to fall back onto the floor.

"What the f*** do you think you were doing?!" A person yells. It's JaeSung.

I don't answer him.

"Byun Baekhyun, are you really thinking of ending your life like this? Do you really think she'll want to see you like this?"

I sit here zoning out, a tear slipping out of my eye, "How am I supposed to live when she's not here? The reason why she's gone is because of me."

JaeSung takes me by the collar and roughly pulls me up,"Do you really think it's just you who's shocked about this whole incident?" He asks me, his eyes slightly tearing up, "All of us are here extremely sad, do you see us thoughtlessly jumping off buildings?!" His voice is sharp, as if it's cutting through layers of me, reaching in to wake my sane self.

"Do you know how hard it is JaeSung?! Do I look like I'm not trying keep myself from going crazy?!" I retaliate

He lets go of me and out of no where, throws a punch to my face, making me stumble backwards at the painful impact.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" He shouts at me, "Just look at you. Your clothes, hair, face. Look at how thin you've gotten! Your mind is just as sick and distraught as your body!"

I rub my jaw and look at him.

"Do you know how hard it is for us to see you like this? You have so much ahead of you, you're working your way towards your career, you're already a trainee at SM! Do you know how many other people there are out there dying for your position? And you're just going to throw it all away like that?!"

He lets out a sigh and puts his hands on his sides, "Yonghi definitely doesn't want this. If you die now, then what she did that day would go to waste Baekhyun. She did that so that you could live and have a chance achieve your dream, not for you to rot away like this in this unhealthy manner."

He's got a point.

The scene where she held and told things me the last time I saw her replay in my head.

"Just remember, to live your dream as a singer, take care of yourself and that none of this is your fault..."

A sudden wave of tears rush through me, my eyes flood and I break down right there in front of Jaesung.

"But I miss her so much, Jaesung. I don't know what to do..." I sob, trying my best to control my tears.

-

Omg have you guys listened to "My answer" from Exo's new album? (Youtube vid attached to chapter) omg it's beautiful and amazing and baek sjdjksjf, my favourite song out of the whole album. (I have a soft spot for ballads)

I was listening to it while writing this chapter ♡.♡ and it reminds me so much of BaekYeon (if you look at the lyrics) ♡♡♡ ugh it's so beautiful ♡♡

AND JUST TO CLEAR THINGS UP, this fanfic will be sticking to it's original plot so dont worry x)

Dont forget to comment and hit the vote button if you enjoyed this chapter ♡ ^ ^

Have an awesome day :)

Author-nim ♡