~*Superstar*~

~*Epilogue*~

As I sit here in my new house, with my wife, and two beautiful children it's hard to believe that just a few years ago we were reconnecting at a family Christmas party. And even further than that I was sitting in a 9 x 9 cell praying that somehow, I'd get out of that hell hole. And I did, 5 years, 261 weeks, 1862 days, and 438030 hours in that cell serving time for something I didn't do all because of the color of my skin. All that time I missed with my sister, my father breaking his body down to put money on my books, making a mend with my mother and getting to know my other siblings. Most importantly spending that time with Lisa, I think that's the one I most regret is not being able to tell her sooner what was going on. I don't know if there was anything that she could or would have done, but at least...I'd just want things to be different and the things that happened. I know I can't rewrite the past or change the things that either of us went through and to some extent I don't think I would. Those things made us who we are. They definitely made us better people and mothers.

Motherhood! Motherhood is definitely different, who knew that two little human beings could demand that much attention. The first 3 months were a true test for both Lisa and me. I mean don't get me wrong we weren't oblivious to what it would be like to have babies in the house. We'd watched Snow, Julius, Quentin, and Ices when they were younger, but no one ever told us how tiresome it can be. After the 3rd week of no real sleep the two of us started to get snippy with one another. It was always something either I wasn't feeding them right or Lisa was sleeping through them crying in the middle of the night or day for that matter. Sleep deprivation was only one of our issues, lack of intimate time was another thing. Since Li had the surgery, it wasn't like she could just up and do what we used to do, we had to wait a longer than normal for her to heal and recover in order to consummate our relationship. Once she was ready, I was in a different mindset, I didn't want to hurt her and in turn she thought I wasn't attracted to her anymore. It took our best friends to come in and counsel us on post pregnancy sexual relations, when and how to do it was my main question. I mean I could always tell when she was in the mood by the way she'd look at me and touch me. Once I let go of the mental hold, I was able to satisfy my wife again and again, and again and well you get the picture. Things after that got more settled and we were able to finally communicate and come to the agreement that we definitely needed some help with the kids, for our sake and theirs. Since then, we've been copasetic we've been able to get back on our schedule of being superstars and businesswomen.

Wow I never thought I'd refer to myself as a superstar. I mean I just did what I loved to do and that was play music that would make people dance and forget about their problems. Making people forget their problems propelled me to stardom. Not only was I a dope Dj but I've given in a little to my wife and best friend prods and started a singing career as well. I had no clue that I'd do as well as I would, but I have and now I am starting my first project. Watching what Li went through for her solo album taught me a lot. It taught me that I never want to be so reliant on someone that I have to beg to do something I want to do. Not that she sold out to release that album, but it was her album, she funded it all, all she needed them to do was to believe in her vision. Ultimately, they did but after she had to make some demands and pull some strings to get it done. I didn't want to go through that, if I am funding it, it's gonna go my way that's it. Plus, I got responsibilities now and I can't just up and leave to do random shit because a record label wants me too. Nor will I let them dictate who I can or cannot be with so it's best if I just do my own thing. It also doesn't hurt that I have an inside connection to some of the most talented artists and executives as well.

Sis! Sis! In here I said closing the journal and putting in the desk drawer before seeing Jade come into the room. Hey Girl, what you up too? Nothing just doing a little home finance before my benefactors wake up. Benefactors she said laughing a little bit before sitting down. Yeah, they maybe small but they eat like grownups. I heard that she said nodding to me. You good Jade, I sense you got something to say. I am perfect I just wanted to give you the keys back and thank you for letting me borrow the car. Keep them! huh! Keep them, the car is yours Jade. You're giving me your car? No, I am giving you your car. My car! Yes, your car Jade, I bought it for you. No Remi you've had that car for...she stopped for a minute before looking at the keys. I thought...Listen Jade I know I've been hard on you since we left the group home but it's because I only want the best for you and Ices. I remember meeting you that first night and you were so fragile and closed off to everyone but me and Shia. I often wondered why; you didn't know me. Yet you trusted me to take you and your child out of the state. It was cause I knew I could trust you. You were the first person in a long time that made me feel comfortable and safe. I didn't feel like you wanted anything from me. I didn't grow up with a mother or big sisters to show me how to navigate the world I was on my own for a lot of the time and then when I did have family around. Well they weren't exactly looking to take care of me. You and Shai she said trailing off. You and Shai showed me what it's like to have a real family. One that won't use and abuse me. You welcomed us into your family like nothing. That's how I was raised, and I made you that promise that if I ever got out I'd take you with me. And you did she said smiling at me.