My Cobra Guy

Episode One

White Snake blared on the boombox Johnny had placed on the porch. Miyagi-Do was alive with the raucous chatter of excited teenagers, who sounded more like buzzing flies to Johnny Lawrence. One, or five, too many Coors Banquets the night before wasn't making his head feel any better.

Daniel Larusso's smug, annoying face smiled as he shared feel-good proverbs to the eager children. What? Did Daniel think this would do any kind of good in a fight? Kreese's kids would slap the snot out of these bitches before they recited a haiku. Proverbs, haikus, whatever the fuck they were. Johnny stepped over and cranked the music up, unable to keep from bobbing his head to the tune.

Why were the kids paired off like that? Some kind of friends to enemies to friends show of support? Well that had to end now. They needed to pair the weak with the strong.

"Hawk, Skinny Bitch, you two pair off with someone else!" Johnny ordered.

"Wait, what?" Hawk said.

"Skinny Bitch?" Daniel gave him a horrified look. "Hey, we're not doing those nicknames here. That is degrading and it won't motivate them to learn."

"Was he talking about me?" The skinny boy next to Hawk asked.

"Yes, I was talking to you!" Johnny pointed at him, then swung his finger around to Daniel. "And look, Danielle, it does motivate them plenty. They have to work hard to stop being called bitch names."

Daniel threw his hands up. "I cannot believe I agreed to this. You are a ridiculous child."

"And you're gonna have a team of pussies, Danielle."

Sam threw a palm to her forehead. "Ohmygod! Seriously? Again? You're doing this now? What about Kreese? What about Cobra Kai?"

"Are we going to just stand here all day?" one of the tiny geeks asked.

"They sound like my parents," one of the fatties said.

"Weren't you listening, sensei? We have to work together," Miguel said, shaking his head.

"None of this would've happened if you two wouldn't be so...so embarrassing!" Sam raged, and batted her long braid over her shoulder. Was she on her rag or something?

"He started it!" Daniel snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Johnny. "With what he did to my sign!" His hand trembled with anger.

Johnny laughed, remembering the dick drawing on the LaRusso billboard that had started it all. The large, spray painted cock hovering just in front of Danny's annoying face. What a classic.

Some of the children snickered and one of the dweebs quietly muttered, "My mom says that guys who do that might have repressed desires."

"Repressed de— What the hell are you trying to say?" Johnny demanded.

"We all need to calm down and work out these issues so we can get through one. Frickin. Lesson," Sam said.

"Look, Carrie, I don't have to take any lip from you," Johnny started but Daniel was in his face in a flash.

"Don't yell at my daughter. You don't talk to my kid that way."

"Yeah, well your lessons with my kid is why Miguel got hurt."

"No, that stemmed from your crappy parenting."

That struck a nerve and Daniel realized it. He immediately backed away, his face falling in shame.

"Yeah, well..." Johnny couldn't think of a clever comeback. Daniel had hit him where it really hurt without lifting a finger. It stung, so he wanted to get him back. He wanted to make him hurt. Because all of this wasn't just his fault alone. Daniel was a dick. And that was absolutely the only reason he'd drawn a dick on the billboard, not this repressed whatever bullshit. "You're the one who abandoned my kid in jail, after promising to always have his back. Crappy parent? Maybe, but how the hell are you any better with the kids you try to bring into your dojo?" He turned and faced the kids now, on a roll, anger making him spout whatever thought popped into his head.