Ruin

40

Monday: 10 a.m

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I wake up to the phone on the floor beside my bed, still on the text message I'd sent to Lucas last night.

As expected, it remains unread. I wasn't expecting anything different since he seemed to be otherwise caught up when I spoke to him last.

He probably didn't even see it.

As I click out of his chat, my eyes catch the unopened text from Odaine.

It had come in while at Lucas' yesterday, and I'm glad I was able to clear the notification before he had a chance to see it.

For some reason, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And I can just tell that whatever Odaine was coming with was bound to do just that.

We hadn't said a word to each other since that afternoon when he broke up with me. I contemplated calling him several times, after the incident, but didn't. I had to accept the fact that it was over between us; and accept it quickly too.

Was it easy? Of course not.

I loved him.

And sometimes I wonder if I still do.

When I reminisce on the times we spent together, I can't help but feel a sense of regret. I miss how it used to be.

If someone were to hear me now, they'd probably think I'm crazy for feeling this way. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I feel like I am too.

But thinking about him this way helps me to accept the fact that things didn't work out. Maybe it's all for the best.

Was it good being with him though? It was when it was; until it wasn't anymore.

I was a burden to him. His message was delivered very loud and clear.

So why is it that he suddenly feels the need to reach out to me?

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I click open his chat.

In a fit of rage, I'd deleted every text message we'd ever sent to each other in all our years together, so the lone text jumps out at me immediately.

I couldn't help but scoff as I read what it says.

*I miss you. I know I did you dirty and I feel like shit because of it. Life's miserable without you. Can we maybe have a drink and talk?*

Rassclaat...Odaine a get mad or sum'n?

All I can do is sigh.

It's almost funny to me that he only now realizes how much he misses me, and that his life is miserable without me, when all this time he was the one who'd been fucking around.

Yuh see how life unfair!

I sigh again, trying not to make much out of nothing.

Although, I must admit that sometimes my life feels weird and kind of empty without him.

That's understandable since he was literally all I knew. It probably would make sense to go back together, were it under different circumstances, but the neglect, and his lackadaisical attitude towards me, is just too much to bear.

My hands absentmindedly fiddle with the broken heart pendant around my neck.

I still wear it all the time. Possibly with high hopes that they'll join again one day.

I've given it several thoughts, since, but I can't seem to find it in me to give him a second chance.

Not after the way he embarrassed me, then dumped me like garbage by the wayside.