Ruin

43

Tuesday: 10:30 P. M.
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A pounding headache wakes me from my sleep in the middle of the night.

My chest feels tight and it's like someone is just sitting over me while repeatedly sticking my heart with tiny needles.

I had just eaten spicy food so I guess laying down so soon afterwards is what's causing me to feel this way. The feeling is intense and spreads from my chest to the middle of my back. 

 Heartburn?

It feels like it.

Getting up from under the sheets, beside a sleeping Lucas, I reach for my handbag and grasp the bottle I'm searching for, with aching limbs. I pop a couple Tums in my mouth and swallow, feeling better almost instantly. 

Maybe it's gas?

It has been a couple days now since I've drunken tea. 

If my mother were to hear this, I know I wouldn't hear the last of it.

I can't understand what is with these older folks and their obsession with drinking tea. 

Shaking my head at the thought, I make my way back to bed, slipping back under the covers and slinging one hand around Lucas' waist. Upon contact, he gently grasps my arm and pulls me closer to his body so that I'm spooning him. 

Nuzzling my face against his bare back, I plant a tender kiss on the spot that my lips touch. I feel him quiver in my arms, but he doesn't move any further. I smile to myself and close my eyes. 

I still can't get over the feeling of having him like this. 

To be in his bed. To kiss him, and touch him, and cuddle with him like I'm doing now. 

To think that I would've carelessly passed up on this opportunity only a day ago. 

Thank God I came to my senses. And so fucking quickly too. 

Though not quickly enough as I still had to pay for my mistakes.

The memory brings another smile to my lips.

I sigh and settle into him.

Today has definitely been a really good day. 

Feeling so much more at ease now, I fall asleep easily. 

When I wake up a few hours later feeling nauseous and giddy, I know right away that something is wrong. 

My initial instinct is to run to the bathroom, but I feel so sick that the idea of moving seems worse than not making it to the bathroom. 

Instead, I lay as still as I possible and try to will the nausea away. It works to the extent that the hot flash subsided and my heart stops pounding in my ears, after a while, but I still feel extremely sick to my stomach. 

That added to the fact that my back feels like it's being torn apart is not a feeling I wished to be experiencing right now. 

Another cramp shots through my abdomen, forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut and bite down on my bottom lip hard to stop myself from screaming. 

I don't want to cause an alarm, and waking Lucas is exactly what that will do. 

What the fuck is this feeling?

Normally when I feel sick I like to curl up in a ball and wrap my arms around my stomach, but this time it's different. Just the thought of having something close to my stomach sends a shock wave of pain through me.