E: February 9 , 2013

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I'm laughing on the inside because I've been insulted so much. I've been told that I can't do things and I believe them. I'm alone. Online, you meet the greatest people; the people who don't judge. I have best friends online and I've become people's best friends. I wish it Sa so easy to be myself in public. I am myself, I'm no different the who I am online. E only difference? Online, people accept you for who you are and in the the real world pee can't handle an opinion.

What I don't understand is why is it all categorized. I fall under so many I can't fit in. I don't care for it. I just don't understand and I can say that I don't care for it because I hand out with the different categories regardless. My best of friends are the ones that can't stand me anymore. It makes me want to shut up. Although, how am I supposed to when that's not me. I'm so used to acting like myself I can't act like anyone else. I try to keep my mouth shut and I can't stand it.

I have trusted friends. Nine of them want to go any farther than the friend zone. That's fine with me. I enjoy just having friends. It makes me mad when I'm the one they turn to when something happens to their relationship. I've been in one and they expect me to know what to do, it's all based on experience. I don't have that.

The problem is, I know how to be loyal to someone and I know how to talk about problems with others. That right there will keep me in a relationship. I want a short one and one that's dysfunctional. Just to learn from it you know? My best friend said that I don't need that. What I think though is that it'd be the only way to unstable the imperfection.

A a junior I've pretty much met everyone in my grade and have befriended them. I've learned that being in a relationship is a have to now a days and every little detail of imperfection counts on following relationship. Judgement is everything to everyone. I don't understand. Is it bad that I can't be myself and be okay with it?

Matrina told me me her life story. She told me everything I wanted and didn't want to here last night when she came over to my house. I was home alone and we were going to watch a movie but the she decided to do something else and then before I knew it we were talking each other life stories. Mine is just flat out depressing. What I think I need is too much happiness to smack me in the face do that I know what it's like to be happy and Accept the fact that I'm happy. There's no point in hiding feelings anymore of thoughts. I'm do used to pain I expect it.

Haha life. Surprise me.

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