Date: June 7th, 2012
Tone: Confused, Hopeful
Intro: I’ve thought about a relationship… But with the situation I’ve gone through in the past month just isn’t going in such a way to where I want to say something or mention it to someone other than strangers that choose to see.
What I don’t want to say
I don’t know what to tell you
All I know, us this
I don’t want to get you involved
Please, take it, give it a rest.
After all, I’ve been through
I don’t want you to see
It’s pretty, no-honestly
It takes a lot to share
And all I want from
Is a smile the thing is, that, I care so much
I don’t want your eyes to be scarred
Oh no, scarred for like
This emotional pain
I don’t want you to feel
Because deep down inside
I wish I could unwind,
The true feelings
That I want to, leave behind
Every time I see myself
I see someone stronger each day
The more pain I go through
Please understand
I don’t want you to know
That,
That truth isn’t bland
It’s actually quite sour…
Sour..
I want to know
But I don’t want it to devour…
Devour…
What small chance we have,
The little but I can hold onto.
It hurts me more to try and get you to understand
But really,
I wish I could hide
I don’t ever want to break down
Not in front of you
These things that you don’t put me through
Inside, my heart beats in such an aching way
I don’t want you to see it.
Oh no, I want to hide it
I want to hide it…
From you.
Conclusion: There’s a girl in my driving class that is really cool. Since she’s someone who doesn’t know my background I want to hang out with her and give it a try. She’s flirting with me if anything. (You girls and your confusingness on what you do and don’t want! It just doesn’t make sense!) Anyway, I think she’s cool.
I’ve also thought about going out with a close friend of mine. It’s bad that I want to go out with someone when I don’t have anyone to hold onto. It makes me feel like I’m grabbing onto whoever just because I’m given the chance.
*sigh* Who am I kidding, I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want anyone to see the hurt that I’ve gone through. I don’t want anyone to ever see how weak I am. I laugh every day because I know if I don’t laugh I’ll feel emotional pain. That’s another thing… I can’t be alone. Yet-I want to be…
Aftermath: October 4th, 2012: I haven’t done an aftermath in a while. Anyway. I just now got the chance to write up something for the journal I lost :D! I’m so happy. I’m surprised right now. Especially with the situation I’m going through right now. I really think I did grab onto anyone. It’s getting worse too… Tune in for that. Anyway, I can’t see the rhythm I wanted in this one. I don’t even know which ‘girl’ I was talking about lol there’s like three XD. I’m assuming it’s a certain one but I still don’t know. And I don’t want to go back and ask the old me. (The one from those months ago) I don’t want to go back. But what really caught my attention was when I said that “Every time I see myself, I see someone stronger each day” Now if I would have remembered that I wrote that I would have held it close to my heart the more I hurt. Like… Seriously…! I think I’ll just add onto the other aftermaths. Yea, it’ll make the poem longer but not everyone has to read it. Besides it makes it more interesting. That’s what I’m thinking anyway.
YOU ARE READING
Atonement?
PoetryWe all have regrets. We all smile. We all frown. Sometimes all we need is an encouraging word from others or seeing that someone else is also going through pain to understand one's self. In this book which consist of poems, entries, and thoughts the...
