Atonement?

P: The one I don't want to lose. T: thoughtful

I tell myself it's okay everyday

I lose myself to this every other time that Im alone

And I know

That I'm not

But it's so hard to just

Stand up

When I don't have to

Sometimes, I like to give up, on myself

And sometimes it's okay to just lay on the in the ground

I listen, to the wind as it passes me by

And let myself go

To just daydream the day away

There are times I just don't like to be

So ecstatic

It's confusing

The only emotion, that Im slightly afraid, other than nothing is to be happy

For so long I've accept that I'm 'good enough'

But now I'm happier than before

And it's frightening

Due to the fact that this isn't usual

I've grown tired

Of arguing

With you

My best friend

Because there is no end

But now I feel like I'm ignoring you because I don't have to talk to you

And I know that it Annoys you

That I have done this before

I don't want this to happen twice

Last time, I put our friendship on pause

And I know that I've been wanting this

But I don't want this to last for too long

But it seems that

It's turning out this way

And I don't want

To try and separate

From you

Again

My best friend

You won't leave me

But please don't loss you're head

Because if I know up who you are you'll smile and you won't protest

There's this girl in my arms

She has a title

Everything's just changing

And I see her smile

Not like before

It's a little different now

I wish I could hold her forever

And now I feel the weight on my shoulder

Why does it always come down to this?

I get it now you just don't want to give it over

All the pain that you shoulder

Just hand it over my best friend

Because I know you see everybody

They do the same thing

So just go with it

I put my weight on you

And you carry it

So give me your share

I'm just afraid

With this girl

That Im going to completely forget everything that matters

I just might focus on her

Please smack me out of it if I do so on your watch

Best friend don't leave me

Skyler please don't

You're the one and only that I would hope

So stay here forever

It's complicated I know

I tell you I love you

And you hate it

But it's different you know?

To the girl in my arms that I call my girlfriend

It's different from the girl that I held before

And it s different you know, from the girl that I will always say I trust her because I do but you're different you know?

Did you know that I care this much

If you ever listen in

To a conversation I've had

You know

You've influenced it

You're my best friend

You always will be in the end

Sometimes I want to talk to you

But you're never

I the mood and you walk off every time

There's just one thing

That I want to get clear in your head

My best friend, Sklyer

Please listen in

I love you

As the girl

I will never betray

The one that I don't understand in only one way

I can tell you what you'd say

But there are times I just want to hear it, again

Oh best friend

You know

You're the dearest, my dear.

Intro: I think I suffer from this condition called depression because being happy makes new depressed in a different way.

conclusion: Skyler hasn't said anything about me and Jean. Actually, she seems more distant now. She likes this guy named Angel but Angel has a girlfriend already as far as I know AND he fits the description that Skyler always go for. You know like, blonde, blue eyed,tall, And what ever? Yea something like that. xD. I haven't seen Ben for a while and I'm kind of happy that I haven't. He really screwed with things. I look for him tomorrow. I doubt he's there anymore.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about what would make me and Jean break up but I have thought about it and I don't know. I mean, what I did come up with is I would probably break up with her because I feel like my insecurities would take over but we have the same situation. Kind of. She only has her dad so she does what ever he says when ask. She's Asian just like me so I know that her family is going to work her in the way that they do. I do know that I thought she was lazy. I knew she was at school but when I came over to her house her dad had a list of things for her to do off the bat and every ten minutes that would pass by her dad would be yelling her name to ask her to do something else. I was really surprised. I was more surprised than I should have been due to the fact that Im Asian too so yea...

With the way Skyler is acting I just hope that nothing happens between us or that I ignore her again. I do remember doing that when I was with Lily. I completely ignored Skyler and she the same yo me but still. That's not something I'd like to repeat.

Today has also been one that is just. Blah. I wish I could sleep through it but if I do that I wouldn't be accomplishing anything now would I?