Master

Chapter 59

Kalem's POV

Just go, Kalem. You won't know until you go.

I stare at the barrier in front of me, but I don't take a single step.

Okay, there is nothing wrong with trying again. You got this! Go in three, two, one!

Nothing. Not even a little lean forward, my body stays stubbornly stuck.

You get to be by Master's side forever if you go now!... Unless you go and see what you really did.

I bite my lip to stop bad words from coming out, but they almost do. Instead, I scream inside, not caring how silly that was, at least it made me feel a little better.

Trying to convince myself to do things had always been hard, like the first time I got into bed with Master, but this had to be the hardest of all.

I had to find out exactly what I did in that desert.

Most of my memories were a blur, but what stood out clearly was that spear in his chest and how I felt like it had pierced me to see it there. I watched the light slip from his eyes, and then there was smoke all around me and no life beyond my own.

I'd done something horrible, maybe even hurt the people I loved and cared about. At first, it was easy not to think about it. I didn't have to because I was too busy worrying that Lincoln might never wake back up, but now he was awake and asking questions I couldn't answer, and it was suddenly all I could think about!

Master had only been up for a day, but he wanted to know the details, and I couldn't keep making up excuses and popping away when he brought it up. That wouldn't last forever, especially with how quickly Master was healing, which meant I had to go get answers before he did.

But it was easier said than done, because if the answers weren't good, then I might lose Master, this time for good.

Lincoln said he'd love me forever, no matter what, but would he still love me if I hurt someone, the people in the clan? I didn't think he would because I wouldn't even love myself if I did.

Swallowing a whimper, I let my shoulders and wings slump, feeling more lost inside than ever.

I didn't know how things became so complicated and messy, and not the good type of messy either.

Before, my world felt like it was always full of sunshine and happiness, with friends and a home I could have forever. Master had given me that, and I thought it would always be mine. But now, I didn't think I knew what friends really were, and that sunshine didn't seem so bright when I saw the darkness behind it.

Everything had changed, and I didn't think I liked it very much. But I did like my wings, I loved those a lot.

As if trying to say that they loved me too, my wings wrapped themselves around me like a cocoon, keeping me safe and warm. I smile so hard I almost pop away!

I always imagined that if I were lucky enough to have my own wings, they'd be like a part of me, like my arms or my feet. And they were, but they also felt separate like nothing ever had before. It was weird, but it was almost like if they had their own thoughts and feelings and reacted to things without me telling them to.

It should've been scary, but it wasn't. In fact, I really liked it because it made me feel like I was never really alone.

You always have, Master. I try to remind myself, but it gets muddled by my fears and all the 'what ifs'.

Sighing hard, I look up at the nighttime sky and feel my heart fill just a little at all the light.

It was really late in the night, but everything still looked so bright to my eyes. Everything had since I got my real form. My eyes now showed me the life in everything, and that was something I was happily learning to live with.