𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐋𝐘 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒 - 𝐃.𝐌.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 122

2 years later

I kneel down next to Savanna's grave.

"Tired of me yet?" I ask.

I've been coming to talk to her everyday since she passed. I've been updating her on everything that's happened.

"I haven't seen Hiraeth in two years. I told my mother to keep her out of my sight. I hate denying my own daughter, but i'm afraid if I see her, it'll bring back bad memories. My mother has tried to knock on the door and ask if she could come in and see me. I say no every time. I know you asked if you were a terrible mother, and I didn't understand that kind of question until now. Savanna, am I a terrible father?"

She obviously doesn't answer me. I remove the old flowers from her headstone and replace them with the new ones.

"She's almost three, Hiraeth." I say. "Maybe i'll have the courage to see her soon. I've already missed so much of her childhood. Her first steps, her first word, her first time eating solid food. I missed all of it. Are you mad at me? If you are, I don't even care. I'd love to hear you yell at me again."

I sigh, fidgeting with my wedding ring. Talking about how much of Hiraeth's childhood I missed really does make me seem like a terrible father. And a terrible husband. Savanna would've wanted me to be there for her, having one parent out of the picture is better than having two out of the picture.

"I still cry every night, thinking about you. You're probably laughing in my face right now for being this weak for so long. So, darling... stop calling me a pussy, because I know you are." I laugh.

"They finished fixing the school today. I have to go back in a couple weeks." I say. "I think i'll cry a lot when I have to go."

Once i'm finished talking to Savanna, I walk back to the manor. It's starting to get dark outside. I start to make the shameful walk up to my room when I get home.

I can hear my mother in Hiraeth's room playing with her. I stop in my tracks and reach for the door handle to open it, maybe finally gaining that courage to see her. But just as I expected, my heart isn't healed enough yet. I pull my hand away and walk to my room, feeling more ashamed when I sit on my bed.

I rub my face and sigh. I don't know what my own daughter looks like. How is this even possible? I live under the same roof as her.

Is her hair still blonde, or is it brown now? I wouldn't know.

I hear a soft knock on my bedroom door. "If you're with Hiraeth don't come in."

My mother cracks the door open. "Draco, darling. Please, give her a chance."

I shake my head. "I can't."

"You need to be there for her. You're missing the most precious parts of her childhood. This isn't fair to her."

The tears flood my eyes and I let them fall, to show my mother how much this hurts me.

"She's only gonna hurt me more, mother."

My mother steps inside my room, shutting the door behind her. "Listen to me, you can't deny her forever. The longer you wait, the more painful it'll be. You think Hiraeth is going to hurt you more, but she's all that you have left of Savanna. You should be loving on her and cherishing your time with her. Hiraeth is what you need to help you move on. Now stop denying that innocent little girl, Draco. She's your daughter. She deserves a father. Savanna would've wanted you to love on her."

My mother leaves me on my bed crying into my hands when she closes the door. She may have talked some sense into me, but that didn't give me the courage I needed. I'm still the awful, cowardly father i've been since Savanna passed.

"Daddy?" I hear a little voice say.

I hear the door close, and then I feel a tiny body climbing up onto the bed in front of me.

I pry my hands from my face, allow my eyes to adjust, and look at her.

Savanna. This is Savanna in toddler form.

The only feature Hiraeth didn't get from Savanna is her hair. That she got from me. I'm thankful for that, because if her hair was brown, I have no idea how I could even handle looking at her.

Then I look at her eyes, Savanna. Then her nose, Savanna. Then her lips, Savanna. Then the concerned look on her face, even that looks like Savanna.

She's beautiful. Ethereal. Perfect. She takes after her mother.

Her tiny hands reach up to wipe my cheeks. "Don't cry, daddy."

Her voice is so pure and soft when she speaks. She doesn't panic about me crying, she's trying to calm me down.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"This is just a little hard for me."

"Why?"

"You look just like your mother."

"I have a mommy?" She questions.

My heart...

"Yes. And she's amazing."

"Where is she?"

My mother must not have told Hiraeth what happened. I wonder if Hiraeth ever asked her if she had a mommy.

"She's been asleep for a while."

I can't bring myself to tell Hiraeth that her mother died. I don't know how to tell an almost three year old that.

I reach to my bedside table and open the drawer, pulling out the picture of Savanna and Hiraeth right after she was born.

I point to it. "That's you, and that's Mommy."

She takes it from my hands and looks at it, then points to Savanna. "Mommy so pretty."

I blink back the tears in my eyes and try to contain myself as she looks at that picture. She admires how beautiful her mother is the same way I always have.

"She's very pretty." I say.

Hiraeth sees my struggle, "Why are you crying?"

"I really miss her."

"It's okay, Daddy. I miss her too." She says.

She gives the picture back to me and I place it on the table.

She can comfort me just the way Savanna did. I'm impressed at her skill when she's only this young.

"Daddy?"

"Yes baby."

"Do you love me even if I look like Mommy?"

Does she think...

She thinks I don't love her.

I immediately regret avoiding her for these past two years. My mother was right, she deserves a father. It's time for me to grow up.

"Of course I love you." My voice breaks. I grasp her hands in my own. "More than words can say."

We both go in for a hug at the same time. And when her tiny arms wrap around my shoulders, it feels like a part of me just came back to life.