Sunbeam

59.

November 20, 2020

Ari groaned against the unpleasant sensation low in her stomach that felt like a prickly tug. Suddenly her eyes opened wide and sunk into her stomach. The twins!

She tried to get up, then she saw him. Namjoon was asleep sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand, his head resting on her thigh. His messy hair fell over his forehead, making him look like a big baby sleeping on his mother's lap.

And it all came back, flooding her mind, piercing her heart. He thought she was a traitor, it was his fault that she was in this state at the moment and  hope the twins are okay, otherwise God help him!

Ari roughly yanked her hand from his, knee jerking up, Namjoon jumped up immediately, blinking sleepily. "Sweetheart…" she looked at him with wide eyes filled with ice and hatred. "Go away!" Ari hissed and tried to stand up again but the pain cut her slightly.

"You shouldn't get up yet, you've had surgery, you're going to break the stitches..." she cut him off. "Get out, Namjoon!" Ari ground her teeth angrily, but Namjoon ignored her. "There you go, easy" he adjusted the pillow behind her back.

"Don't pretend you can't hear me, Namjoon!" Ari sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Go away, Namjoon" she insisted, looking at him blankly. He sat with his head bowed, biting his lip with his elbows on his knees and tapping his fingers nervously.

"Here" she took off her engagement ring and handed it to him. "Take it and go. I don't want to see you again Namjoon, nor do I want you anywhere near my children" Ari said coldly, her voice empty, devoid of any other emotion, but with a clear hint of hatred.

Namjoon took the ring, holding her hand, he stood up and moved to sit on the bed next to her. With a smooth movement, he returned the ring to her ring finger and held her fingers, caressing the knuckles of her hand, staring at the diamond that glinted softly in the luminescent hospital light.

Ari looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Her heart ached, there was no going back this time, hurting her was one thing, but hurting her children, she couldn't forgive him, and hatred overshadowed her love.

It didn't matter how tired and tortured and guilty Namjoon looked, it didn't matter how much she wanted to hug him and comfort him. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. "Whore, liar, traitor, bastard, may they be born dead…" That was all she had heard from him last, and that was all she could think of now as she watched him guiltily look at her hand.

"The twins are fine, our daughter is struggling…" she cut him off, pulling her hand away. "My daughter, my twins!" Ari hissed. "You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with my bastards!" she said coldly and Namjoon gritted his teeth, the muscles in his jaw twitched and she could have sworn the grinding of his teeth could be heard all the way down the hall.

"I'm sorry, baby…" she cut him off again. "Don't make me dear, Namjoon!" Ari snapped angrily. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. "Ari..." he trailed off and stood up, starting to pace back and forth, running his fingers through his hair.

Stopping, he walked back to the bed and dropped to his knees, taking her hands in his, Namjoon looked up at her, reading nothing but coldness and utter indifference in her eyes. The chasm he had opened between them was so visible in her beautiful hazel eyes that his heart wondered if he could really do anything to cross it, to close it.

"I'm sorry, honey, I'm a jerk, a bloody jealous jerk who can't control himself when it comes to the woman he loves and his children." Namjoon started and leaned down, kissing her hands.

"That…what I did…I…" she chuckled and Namjoon trailed off in confusion. "Is the great Kim Namjoon apologizing?" she clutched her stomach, simultaneously laughing and groaning in pain.

"He's apologizing? To me? The whore who cheated on him? Who tried to copy foreign bastards on him? Who ruined his life? Who helped kill his beloved wife and now wants to ruin his life and his daughter's ?" her every word was a blade and it stuck deep and merciless.

"What are you apologizing for, Namjoon? For the accusations? For the insults, for the hits, for the cursing and the kind wishes for my children?" panting with anger, she pushed his hands away. "You can breathe easy, Kim Namjoon, my mission failed. The Bangtan Devil has won again" Ari laughed mockingly.

"If you're not going to finish what you started and kill me, leave my room and my life and never come back!!" she screamed at him, tears streaming down her face and Namjoon seeing nothing but pain and hatred on her face.

"No" he stood up. "These are my kids too. I was wrong and I'm sorry as hell, I hurt all three of you and I'm willing to put up with anything you put me through, but never, you hear?" he asked leaning over her, hands on either side of her head. "I will never leave your life, nor will I let you out of mine!" he growled, looking deep into her eyes as his own tears fell, mixing with hers on her chest.

"You are mine and mine alone! And whether you want it or not, I love you madly and I will win you back and this time for the last time, because the next time I hurt you or the twins will be the time I die!" Namjoon swore to her, his eyes speaking louder than words.

His pain was almost as great as hers, self-blame, devastating regret and so much love clouding his eyes. But they weren't touching her, not anymore, it was too late for her and it didn't matter what Namjoon said or did.

"You're an obsessed sick fool if you think I'll ever come back to you or forgive you. I hate you, Namjoon, I hate you so much, I'm sorry I'm really not who you think I am! I hate you so much , that I feel like slitting your throat and then dancing on your grave!” Ari cried helplessly, trying to catch her breath without taking her eyes off his.

"We'll see baby, I promise, it won't be long before you're back to writhing and moaning in my arms while screaming my name or kissing me good morning and telling me how much you love me!" Namjoon smirked. "I swear, I'll apologize to you every day for the rest of our lives, but I won't go a day without you and the twins in it!" he growled and stood up, storming angrily out of her room.

Ari glared after him. Her heart pounded against her chest, full of hate, anger and...love. She was sure he would do everything he had sworn, but not with her. She wasn't going to risk putting the twins through a life where their parents hated each other.

She wouldn't go back to the mansion, she couldn't bear to see him all the time and live with the thought that he thought of her as a traitor.

She loved him, but now she hated him even more, and as hard as it was, the only solution she could see for them was for them to separate and live their own lives.