My countryhuman short stories!

Tis the season for!! ITS NOT EVEN DECEMBER!AAU #3

Finland's pov:

All I see when I get back to the apartment is the Welcome to the idiot flat mat and a fucked up door. Yeah, this this is home.

I open the door and there on the couch lay NK all sprawled out with his hand in his crotch itching his balls. As well as the smell of bacon hitting my face like a hand grenade after America made those homemade bacon candles the smell has permanent EVERYTHING!!

After I shut the door I took off one of my steel sole boots and chucked it at NK to get him to stop pleasuring himself on the couch. After it hit his crotch he fell off the couch and crumpled to the floor in pain and screamed at me while being high "WHAT THE FUCK FINLAND?!! THAT FUCKING HURT YOU BITCH!!!" I rolled my eyes and responded to his cries of pain with my signature very dry tone of voice "Well maybe you should stop pleasuring yourself on the couch, you half-wit."

I walked to the very small kitchen and pulled out a drink. God the only things in the fridge were vodka, fireball which shouldn't even be in the fridge, and a sadly disheveled cabbage in the back. But we did have a shit ton of pasta, mac cheese, canned food, and microwave food. I need to go shopping. As I took a drink from the single water bottle I put in the fridge I heard the door open. I poked my head out to see who it was.

I saw the two gay fucks walk in. "I was wondering where you two were." I got two responses from both extremely hammered people. "Heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Finnnnnyyyyy! How are youuu~~" "Prrriivvet!! Ggoorryachiyyye shtuuchkkiii~~"(Hello!! Hot stuff~) I did have a bit of a chuckle at how Soviet greeted me but America's response is always the same even to the exaggerated hey. Which he'll use even when not drunk of which they both clearly are.

I respond back to them. "You're both drunk, go to bed and sleep. Vy oba p'yany, lozhites' spat' i spite."(Both of you are drunk, go to bed and sleep.) They both nodded a bit and waddled back to their shared bed. I'll stop them if they start trying to fuck each other just because of the fact that they get so loud when they're drunk. I walk back out to the living room after they both get to the room and NK thankfully isn't doing anything. I sat down in my recliner chair that I had found at a second-hand store and cleaned the shit out of it.

I put my guitar case next to the seat and I reclined it to take a bit of a nap. The only reason I don't thoroughly wipe it down is that I've practically scared the living shit out of them so they don't sit in it. I work up the next morning to a bit of yelling from NK who was begging for America to get the fuck out of the bathroom because he needed to piss and America was losing his internal bowels out his mouth.

I stood up and stretched and walked to the kitchen to make myself a breakfast of instant noodles. It's like I'm the only one who does shopping but I know I'm not. I sigh "I'm going to the store for about an hour. None of you die while I'm gone! Got it!" I hear "Ok!" Followed by vomiting from the bathroom "Da." Coming from the bedroom and "Ye." Come from NK still begging to get into the bathroom. As Ame just yelled, "GO PISS IN A BOTTLE!!" I shake my head and leave.

Americas pov:

I sit my head up after I hear Finland close the door. I smiled, time to put our plan into action.....after I stopped vomiting. "NK? Get me the saltine crackers please then I can get out of the bathroom." Oh as soon as I said that I could hear him fucking bolt to the kitchen and then back to the door and slam onto the door to try and get in. I sat up and unlocked the door. He chucked me the slightly opened box of crackers. And I flushed my vomit and then I shoved those beautiful lifesaving crackers down my throat. I leave the bathroom to let NK piss in peace and go to the bedroom. "So Finy is gone you ready?" Soviet smiled and stood up "He's going to hate us!" He said with a chuckle and I nodded. "Ok let's do this!" We started setting up the Christmas decorations three days after Halloween because that holiday between them doesn't exist anymore! And then I realized he left his guitar case here.

Once NK got out of the bathroom he started helping us put up the decorations, oh Finns going to HATE US! We all sat on the floor and started playing Uno after we finished waiting for Finland to get home. Soon we heard the door starting to unlock and open and we're all trying not to lose our minds just yet. Then he fully opened the door, becoming aware of the glorious Christmas decorations EVERYWHERE!!!! "What the actual fuck guys....." We all started laughing hysterically which only got worse when we saw Finland's flag visibly turn a light shade of red. "I'm," I gasped for our lovely bacon air. "I'm surprised" God I can speak "You mad?~" Soviet asked with a cooing, playful tone just to see if he could get a rise out of our mass killer of a roommate. Then he saw it the fact that we decked out his leather murder suitcase with Christmas stickers! "You all better have a way to remove those stickers from my case or the gun in there will be up against your heads." I heard NK audibly sigh. "Fuck Fin, you don't have to threaten us like that." I sigh "Yeah we have away, sorry for messing with your gun."

Fin sighed "You guys know I have to stay extremely professional due to the job I have. I understand that you all were just trying to have fun but it's specifically a black, leather guitar case to make it as professional as I can with it." We all nod and NK chimes back in "So how much did you make in your last hit? And what's your current body count?" Fin sighed "It's been quite not much noise about in the community lots of the bigger fish have already been snagged and I'm not about to encroach on someone else's target. So I took a lower one for just some quick pocket change $50,000." I scoffed "Really selling yourself short they're finny, aren't you? Considering I've seen you make well over a $100,000+"

He nodded "I know, and my current body count not including the wars I've been in? I've got to say I've hit well over 100+ by now. Including the wars I've been in I've got to say," he hummed for a bit "Well over 300+. Can't entirely remember nor do I care all that much."

Third-person pov:

They all nodded in understatement and solidarity they hardly remember all the lives they had taken. Soviet and NK looked particularly upset and Soviet let out a have-hearted chuckle "I remember being on the other side of your barrel. Knowing that you were stocking me like pray, it paralyzed me some nights not allowing me to get rest as I lay there sometimes swearing I heard your voice but it only being the wind. You are truly terrifying." Soviet took a heavy breath in and removed the eye patch he was wearing since yesterday. "The day you took my left eye and put me in the hospital for nearly a month. When I saw you as I was falling back into the snow..... I still have nightmares about it. But look where we are now we're roommates! I'm with the love of my life! And NK escaped his country! We couldn't have a better life! We all work not because we have to but because we want to! And yeah Fin you could just up and leave like you keep threatening to do to get this big old house and live by yourself but like come on man we all know the only type of home that you make you even remotely happy is an RV!" Everyone laughed and Finland said, "Yeah you've got me there! Small and portable is all I'll ever need!"

NK spoke up "An I'm happy that we've become this odd little family too. After everything that has happened to me, I was surprised that Ame out of everyone was willing to take me in... But... I took that leap I knew I had to unbrainwash myself so what better way to do it than live with the fool I was taught to hate with every fiber of my existence... Hell, I fought you in a war for my 'independence' and then I get here to find out that not only are you with the man who showed me the path I was supposed to go down.. I find him as a completely changed man and the happiest I've ever seen him..." Soviet snorted "You punch me in my face when you first saw me!" NK looked embarrassed "Yeah....sorry about that again.."

Finland leaned back... "I remember how I came to live here.... I.... Felt so cold and alone at that time I was shoving everyone away.....and I still do... I just had such a hard time connecting to anyone.. Even if we were very similar.. I just couldn't do it.... I hated myself and... I still do... Not as much.. But it's hard....those I do kill still have an effect on me even if I try and ignore it... The others started to only see me as a monster and...I don't blame them... Yet......you all......" He started to cry and everyone moved over to him to embrace him in a hug then just a cuddle on the floor. "I hick I love you all!" Finland cried out. "We all love you too Fin~," America said in a sweet calming voice with the Finish man's head on his chest, NK leaning on his right side, and his loving partner on his left side. America smiled as he starts singing. And then as the others fall asleep he chuckled and said "Mary early Christmas. Sweet dreams." Before falling asleep himself.