cardigan, a. butler

eighty-one

eighty-one, the unknown

the oscar's were soon approaching and elsie was informed that she would be presenting one of the awards of the night.

she was also told that she would be attending the event with timothee.

the two planned to coordinate colors and they had decided to go with black to keep it easy and simple for the two.

of course, elsie's mother would be designing her dress and had flown out to oxford to get elsie measurements and to get started on sketching the dress.

"are you excited?" kaira asked as she took elsie's measurements.

"yeah, the oscars are always fun to attend. i hear andrew is up for an award this year and jackie hasn't shut up about it." elsie remarked with a smile.

"your sister is just excited for her boyfriend." kaira told her daughter as she continued to measure her waist.

"believe me, i know." elsie huffed before she looked up and stared out of the window.

kaira glanced up at her daughter and saw how distracted she was, so, she put the measuring tape down and grabbed her daughters hand.

elsie looked away from the window and looked down at her mom.

"you spaced out for a minute, ellie. what's going on?" kaira asked worriedly.

"nothing, just thinking about my movie." elsie shrugged as she walked away from her mom and sat on her couch.

"this seems like so much more than a movie, honey. tell me what's going on." kaira told her daughter as she sat beside her.

"sometimes i find myself thinking of what went wrong with austin. what i could've done better. how this could have been prevented. i've thought about every scenario in the book and yet i can't figure out what i did wrong that drove him to betray me in the worst way possible.

i thought this was it. i thought i had found the one guy that understood my pain and yet, he had hurt me way worse than luke and i don't know how that is even possible." elsie exclaimed with a scoff.

"my whole life, i've always dreamed of finding love as great as yours and dads. i remember how in love i was with the idea of love. everyday since i was seven. i dreamed of this picture perfect life where i had a husband and kids and it made me happy.

the mediocre suburban life made me happy and when i found out i may never have kids, that dream seemed like a fantasy.

and then i miraculously conceived a child with luke and it was like the world crashed down on me because i always wanted a child but i didn't want one when i was in a relationship that didn't make me happy.

it took everything in me to go through with that abortion and to this day, i regret giving my dream of being a mother up.

it could have been the best thing that had ever happened to me but i wouldn't know because i made the decision to terminate the pregnancy and i've hated and blamed myself everyday since then because it was my fault luke cheated on me.

if i hadn't aborted that baby, i would still be with luke and we would be happily married." elsie cried as she covered her face with her hands.

"don't blame yourself for luke cheating on you, ellie. you going through with the abortion does not mean he had the right to cheat on you. you don't know how your life would have turned out if you had kept the baby.

maybe you wouldn't have went to term. maybe luke still would have cheated on you. we don't know what might have been if we chose the other option. we can't reminisce over what might have been when we have what happened.

if you had that baby, you wouldn't be as successful as you are now, honey. you have had the best year of your life and this is only the beginning, ellie. you have so much life to live and you'll meet the love of your life one day in your future.

don't dwell on the past when you have an amazing future to look forward to." kaira told her as she caressed her head in her arms.

"that could've been my only chance at being a mom." elsie sighed as tears fell from her eyes.

"you don't know that, elsie. have you seen another doctor since then?" kaira asked.

"no. should i?" elsie asked as her mother wiped away her tears.

"i think that's up to you, honey. i'll support you either way." kaira smiled before she leaned over and kissed elsie on her temple.

"thanks mom." elsie smiled.

"now, let's talk about sketches. how do you envision your dress?" kaira asked as she grabbed her sketchbook and pencil.

as elsie detailed how she imagined her dress would look like, she felt like she had made a good decision on getting the abortion.

who knew what complications she could have faced if she had went through with the pregnancy. she wouldn't have had the life she had now and she was beyond grateful for the amount of friends she had made within a year of being back from her hiatus.

elsie was living her life to the absolute fullest and she couldn't wait for what was in store

BELLA'S CORNER

elsie and timmy? possibly 🫣

i'm excited for the oscars!! (andrew deserved better!)

elsie will be busy this summer 🤭

i feel so bad for elsie, i just wanna give her a baby so she'll get to be a mom 🥹

so, elsie will be in a new relationship in like june or july 2022, who could it be?? 🤔

also, this book is #1 in taylor swift and calum hood, wtf?!?

but i watched don't worry darling and florence was AMAZING!!