cardigan, a. butler

one hundred & eight

one hundred & eight, the storm

*trigger warning*

*mentions of ed and suicide*

tears filled elsie's eyes as she read the hateful comments over and over again.

fat.

overweight.

she really let herself go.

that's why austin left her.

echoed through her mind like a sick melody.

it hurt to see so many people comment on her weight when she never gave it a second thought.

not once did she ever think her weight was a problem.

sure, she had gained a bit of weight over the last six months but it was healthy weight.

she didn't notice her significant weight gain until now.

her face has gotten a bit rounded and her legs had gotten a bit thicker.

elsie never felt disgusted with her appearance until now.

how could everyone else notice her weight gain but she couldn't?

she felt embarrassed and distraught.

no wonder austin had left her.

she was gaining weight and he wanted someone thinner and prettier.

he wanted someone he could have a future with.

a future that elsie could not give him naturally.

elsie didn't understand why hayden was even with her.

she couldn't give him children on her own without ivf.

she had gained weight and wasn't thin like his ex.

no matter how much she tried to ignore it, she couldn't.

everyone around her tried to reassure her that everything the media was saying was wrong but elsie knew it was all true.

she had gained weight. it was no secret.

compared to her oscar red carpet pictures from last year, she could see the weight difference.

the way her arms had looked significantly bigger and her stomach now had a pudge.

it didn't help that she was on tour and wore tight outfits that she once felt confident in.

now she couldn't even slip into it without feeling physically ill.

how could someone like hayden want someone like elsie?

the girl didn't want to go through the heartache that she experienced with austin, so she did the only thing that she could do.

she stopped eating full portions and only ate half.

she no longer ate anything she wanted.

she started counting every calorie she ingested and when she was done, she'd stand in her bathroom and weighed herself.

if she weighed more than the previous day, even by a single ounce, she'd hunch over her toilet and throw up the contents in her stomach.

elsie continued this for a few weeks and within those few weeks, she had dropped close to 17 pounds.