Insatiable [h.s]

59

Harry Styles

I've always found a sort of peace in the rain.

I like the storms. The way the sky grows dark and how the wind picks up to toss things around in utter chaos. The way the lightning illuminates the black sky in bursts and how the thunder echoes in my ears.

I feel connected to them in a way.

When I stop to think about it, my life is like one big storm in a way. My journey being obstructed by the darkness so I find myself stumbling around blindly in the middle of it not knowing how to get out of it— or if I'll even make it out alive. The thunder is the parties of the nights I don't remember and the gunshots that I've heard echo in my ears. The wind is everything that's being thrown in my way to try and keep me off course.

And Rori is the lightning.

She illuminates the way and helps me see more clearly. She helps me to not be so lost inside of my own stormy mind.

I've only ever known one other person like her before. Someone so beautifully bright, so naturally giving. I've only been around one other person who cares as deeply as she does for those around her. She reminds me of my mum in that way and in a sense I guess that's why I felt so naturally drawn to her.

The light that Rori has can fill the darkest of rooms with a single smile. I think that's why I asked her to stay with me that night when she woke me up from my nightmare. I never fully understood it until now, but the way she made me feel like it was okay was something indescribable to me. How she understood me and wasn't scared of me made me feel like I didn't have to be scared of myself in the moment.

She was the first person I allowed to be in my room since the night Conners men threw me through my bedroom window and left me to die. The night that they killed my mother.

After that night I had never let anyone come into my room consciously. There were times that I know Thalia or Niall had to drag me to my room, my body too exhausted to climb the stairs or just the fact that I was too fucked up to make it in there on my own. I know that they had to have gone in there then but other than that I never let anyone in my actual bedroom and I never let someone fall asleep with me.

Rori kind of snuck up on me.

I didn't see this coming and I never in a million fucking years would have excepted any of this. But now that she's here I can't even bring myself to imagine the day that we finally kill Conner and she's able to live the life that she wants to. I mean— obviously it won't be like before. We'll still have people that watch over her and my family will always protect her, but she won't need to stay with us anymore.

I find it hard to think about. Now that I have her in my life I don't know how I'll go back to being without her.

She takes away the nightmares and helps me sleep.

She helps me smile again.

I know that I push her and I piss her off but in my own way I still care about her. I mean, we are friends after all. You kind of have to care about someone to be able to be friends with them, right?

Niall has been training with Rori every night since we all got to California. We would only go into the gym a few times a week in Oregon but the show down with Todd was enough to worry all of us and show us how unprepared Rori truely is for all of this. If she doesn't learn how to defend herself or how to be around knives, it's a death sentence.

And if we lose Rori to all of this— No. I can't even think about that.

Anyway, watching her with Niall is something that I'm starting to look forward to everyday. Her smile when she understands something, how she becomes more confident in the moves that she makes and how she can plan something out more quickly.