Where The Sage Shrubs Grow,

Chapter 132

⚠️ Content Warning⚠️
(Mentions of infertility, topic of not being able to have children)

One year later

Sage's POV:
One year since Hallie got married, two years since Fred and I got married. The best two years of my life. Fred helped me buy a little shop across the street from the Weasley Wizard Wheezes and our flat above. I turned it into a bookshop with a little coffee place inside. All the bookstores in Daigon Alley only sold school and educational books. I wanted to cater to the little readers that just wanted some good paper entertainment. Of course there were some text books for those who enjoyed them as much as Hermione did.

Often times when I was at the window display during the day Fred would pass by the window of his shop and start waving frantically at me until I looked up and noticed him. I think it safe to say that was always my favorite part of the day. It was like he knew when I was there, never missing a beat. Or he just purposely passed the window a lot so he would know every time I was there. He came over on his lunch break a lot too.

Hallie still lived in her cabin in the mountains but had come to work for me. She says it's cause it's got the type of atmosphere she wants but we both knew it was cause she couldn't go without me. I never complained though because I couldn't go without her either. Since apparating was a thing where she worked was never a problem. Everything seemed to be perfect except one thing. I hadn't gotten pregnant yet.

Fred and I had been trying and everyone keeps telling us two years isn't long to wait and that we just needed to be patient but my gut told me differently. Something wasn't right. I thought for sure I should have gotten pregnant or something by now but I hadn't. So I decided to leave work early one day and go to the doctors.

They took tests and did all the things and now all I had to do was wait. They told me I was perfectly healthy and even had the best body type for having children which I didn't know was a thing. They assured me they thought nothing was wrong. Obviously I thought otherwise.
"Something on your mind?" Hallie asked bringing our new inventory of books to the counter to ring up

I thought for a moment contemplating weather or not I should tell her. I hadn't told a single soul, not even Fred for fear he would get upset that I thought something was wrong with myself. In the end I decided to tell her, I needed someone to share my anxiety with me and who better than your best friend?

"I went to the doctors the other day." I said in a suddenly hushed voice
I didn't want everyone knowing my business. Hallie lowered her head, her brows furrowing.
"You what? Why?"
"Because Fred and I have been married for two years and I haven't gotten pregnant, not once. I'm scared something might be wrong."
Hallie relaxed a little as if she'd been expecting worse news "Sage two years is not a lot of time to give yourself."
"I know, but something in my gut says there's something wrong-"

"Sage, you have spent your entire life thinking there was something wrong with you, thinking you weren't normal, thinking you couldn't be loved, etc, it's all psychological. Your parents traumatized you and now you think that everything is wrong with you when it isn't. There is nothing wrong with you, you're practically perfect." She smiled
"Maybe you're right." I sighed

"But I can still understand why you would do that so I'll be anxious with you until the results come. When are they supposed to come?"
"They said three to five days."
"And how many days has it been?" She asked
"Two."
"Damn."

By the time the sixth day had rolled around Hallie and I had been checking the mail twice a day and pestering the mailman about it. I sighed organizing the books that had been left out on a cart ready to be put back on the shelf. I think Fred knew something was going on, he kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't tell him. I knew how badly he wanted a family, how badly he wanted kids. Even when we were dating he would talk about our future children.

I couldn't stand the thought that I may not be able to give him that. How could he love me after that? How could he love someone who couldn't give him the one thing he's always longed for? The one thing that's expected out of a marriage. Maybe after all this time I really am just damaged goods.

"It's arrived!" Hallie exclaimed rushing into the shop
She was waving a manila folder frantically. My examination results.
"Do you always go through people's mail?" I asked
"Look, I've been waiting for the results almost as anxiously as you have." She said handing me the folder

My hands shook violently as I opened it carefully. Taking in a deep breath, the fact that the words on these pieces of paper would change Fred and I's life forever scared me. I read through the examination results carefully making sure I understood every word. It was a nightmare, one I had been fearing the last two years, finally come to light. I was infertile and could never have children. I couldn't have a family, I couldn't give Fred what he's always desperately longed for. Tears brimmed my eyes as I handed Hallie the papers for her to read. Her face fell more and more the further she read.

"H-how will you tell Fred?" She asked setting the papers on the counter
"I don't know." A quiet sob wracked my body as I covered my mouth with my hand
"Let me make you a cup of tea..."
Hallie guided me to the back of my shop as I continued to suppress my sobs.
I was on my third cup of tea and biting the inside of my cheek when I heard the door bell go off.

"Sage, I can get it-" Hallie offered
"No, I will. Just give me a few moments, they'll be browsing for a second anyway." I said cleaning my appearance up in the mirror
I stepped out from the break room ready to face people only to find my husband reading the forgotten examination papers that were left on the counter.

My heart sank as I watched him, he hadn't noticed me standing there. I guess that solved the problem of having to tell him. I stood stone still, watching as his hands started shaking. Once he had finished he set the papers down, quickly wiping at his face.

He finally lifted his gaze, meeting mine. The sorrow written on his face was enough to break anyone. I started to cry and I couldn't stop. Right there in the middle of my little shop, I stood there bawling. I covered my face with my hands not being able to stand the look on his face. Fred strode over to me holding me as if I were going to break.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." I cried into his chest
"My darling, why are you apologizing?" His voice cracked
"We can't have a family, you can't have children. How can you love me when I can't give you the one thing you want?" I sobbed
"Don't be ridiculous. You're my family, I love you no matter what." He held me tighter "So what we can't have children? There are other options and this isn't your fault so don't you apologize. You hear me? Don't you dare apologize."

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