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Coffee.

It had been a few days since Alexia and I had agreed to meet for a coffee. The last couple of days had been busy as we prepared for the start of the season, with multiple training sessions and team meetings. I hadn't had time to text Alexia yet. I knew that she was getting impatient from the looks she gave me whenever I saw her at the training centre.

We all had some free time today, before travelling to Seville later for our first game of the season, so I reached for my phone. Loading up Alexia's contact was like going back in time, her name unchanged and her photo still a photo of us. I needed to change that...

Ale 🥰

You free for coffee today?

Yes, definitely. Where do you want to meet?

Alexia replied to my message almost as soon as it was sent. I knew that she wanted to meet up, but had she been sat waiting for me to text her?

Brew house in an hour?

See you there

When I walked into the café, Alexia was already there, sat at at the table in the corner of the room looking at something on her phone. I walked over and sat down on the chair opposite, Alexia looking up at me as I did.

"Hola" she said with a nervous smile on her face.

"Hola"

It felt strange... being here again. Alexia and I always came here for breakfast or coffee when we were together, it was our favourite place. The only reason why I suggested coming here today was because I thought it might be easier having this conversation in a place where I felt comfortable, but if anything it made it harder.

We sat there for a few moments, neither of us knowing what to say.

"Um...I've already ordered. I got you a double shot flat white. Oh- is that still your order? If it's not I can g-" Alexia was rambling.

"Yeah it is... gracias" I interrupted her.

"You're welcome" she mumbled, while smiling up at me.

The coffees arrived a few moments later and the awkward small talk began. The weather is beautiful today isn't it? Are you looking forward to the game tomorrow? How's your family?

I didn't come here for small talk... I came here because Alexia said that she wanted to talk about everything and this wasn't the everything that I had in mind.

"Why are we here Alexia?" I asked, just as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I want to apologise for what I did. I promised that I wouldn't give up on us and I did. I'm so sorry Isy.." Alexia answered, her voice shaky.

I knew that this was how the conversation was likely to go, but it didn't make it any easier.

"I needed to hear this a year ago Alexia" I quickly answered, trying not to raise my voice.

"Please Isy, just let me explain?"

"Ok, but please stop calling me that..."

I have a lot of nicknames. Isabel is my name, but nobody calls me that except my parents. My friends call me by many different names.. Isa, Is, Belle or sometimes even Bella. The only person to ever call me Isy is Alexia. I was her Isy. Was.

Alexia took a deep breath and began to explain.

"I never should have sent that text... I should have just got on that plane and come to you. I should have told you how I was feeling..."

"How you were feeling about what?" I asked, trying to find out why she did what she did...why she gave up on us.

"Us...long distance...how much I was struggling with it all."

"You were struggling with us?" I asked.

"No, not us...just...us being apart. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I could cope with it, but I couldn't... I was emotionally exhausted. Seeing you was the happiest part of my life. For months, it was all I ever thought about. Seeing your smile, holding you and spending every moment I could with you, but those moments just made being back here so much harder. Coming back and being on my own again was the saddest part, I just felt empty all the time that we were apart. My mental health was bad, the worst it had ever been and I should have told you, but I was scared, because I knew that you would try to come back. You would have done what was best for me even though it wasn't what was best for you..." Alexia took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes for a moment, before she began to fidget with the rings on her fingers. She always did that when she was nervous.

"You should have told me Ale..." I breathed.

She didn't respond, instead she looked out of the window that was next to our table, clearly trying to hold back the tears.

"If you had told me back then, we could have sorted things out, but instead you didn't tell me anything. For months, every possible reason for you leaving was going through my head, because you didn't give me a reason. I thought you just didn't want to be with me anymore... that you didn't love me... that I had done something wrong... I even thought that maybe you had met someone else"

My emotions were beginning to bubble up inside of me. I was annoyed that she hadn't told me any of this before, angry that I had blamed myself for months, but mostly I was upset that she was struggling and I had no idea. I would have been there if I had known.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, both of us thinking about what had just been said.

"There wasn't anyone else..." Alexia mumbled so quietly that I thought I had heard her wrong.

"What?" I asked quietly.

Her hazel eyes met mine for the first time since this conversation began.
"There wasn't anyone else...there never has been"

Those words sent a shiver through my body. I had always wondered if Alexia had moved on, if she had met someone else, but she hadn't. There hadn't been anyone else for her, just like there hadn't been anyone else for me.

Our eyes remained focused on each other. Alexia was looking at me like she was waiting for a response, but I didn't know what to say.

She reached across the table, placing her hand on mine. The familiar feeling sent adrenaline pumping around my body. I had to get out of there...I had to leave before I did something stupid.

I quickly stood up, leaving the café as quickly as possible.