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Frustration.

Ale's scan came back inconclusive, there was no major injury, the ligaments were all fine which was a huge relief and there was no visible cartilage damage, the only abnormalities were the usual scar tissue after having an ACL reconstruction and a bit of swelling. The physios had thought that after a couple of weeks of light training, her discomfort would subside, but it didn't. She was still in pain and the fact that there was no obvious reason made her even more frustrated. She had never been good at coping with being out injured, football had been her escape for so long, and not being able to do it made her unsettled.

She had been stomping around the house for days, she was getting frustrated more easily with both me and Jordi. We were bickering about mundane things like whose turn it was to cook or put Jordi to bed and she was finding it difficult to control her emotions with Jordi, something she had been able to do since the moment he was born. Normally she would be the happy easygoing-mama that Jordi needed, putting a smile on her face even when she was at her lowest, but she'd been finding that harder in the last couple of weeks. Jordi had started crawling and was getting into everything, opening cupboards and pulling out their contents, constantly chasing Nala around the house, and constantly trying to play with her Game Ready machine that the physios had given her to ice her knee with.

"No Jordi, let go" She said firmly as she sat on the sofa, her knee propped up on some cushions while Jordi pulled at the wires connected to the ice compression machine.
"It's not a toy"

"Why didn't you wait until he was down for his nap? You know he loves to play with that thing..." I asked as I walked in from the kitchen where I had been cleaning up his lunch, trying to hide my annoyance as I picked him up and put him in front of his toys.

"I have to do it twice a day" She mumbled, adjusting her position slightly.

I left the conversation there. Not wanting to start an argument with her, I sat down on the floor to play with Jordi, while she sat and scrolled through her phone.

This is how most of our time at home had been since she got injured again, it was painful for her to get down on the floor and play with Jordi, and now that he had started crawling he hated sitting still, so the times when the three of us would snuggle up on the sofa and watch a film together were long gone. This new dynamic also meant that we didn't get to spend much time together and I missed her.

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight? It might be good to get out of the house for a bit and take your mind off of everything"

"We can't, what about Jordi?"

"I was going to ask Mapi if she could come over and watch him, she offered to babysit the other day and I'm sure she won't mind" I smiled as I looked up at her, Jordi babbling away in front of me.

"I don't know..."

"I'd really like to," I said honestly, staring into her hazel eyes..

"I don't feel like going out"

"Ale, please. I think it'll be good for you... for us. Let's just get out of the house, forget about your knee and being parents, and just be us for a few hours"

"I can't just forget about my knee" She spat, her hazel eyes staring down at me.

"That's not what I meant, I just- I understand what you're going through and I'm trying to help... so please let me"

"No, you don't. You have no idea what I'm going through. You still get to play football, I'm in the gym on my own while you train, I'm at home while you travel to matches... you have no idea how hard that is"

"Ok," I mumbled, before getting to my feet and lifting Jordi up into my arms.
"I'm going to go and put him down for his nap," I said as I quickly left the room and headed upstairs, not wanting this to develop into a full-blown argument.

Ale saying that I had no idea how hard it was, hurt. It was like she had forgotten about my ankle injury and the fourteen months out that followed, the setbacks and extra surgeries that I needed to get back on the pitch, and the pain that I still feel after every game I have played since. She knew that I struggled to walk after particularly intense games, that I had to spend so much extra time with the physios getting my ankle strapped up before training and matches, the steroid injections that I have to have every few months to help manage the pain, and that all of this will most likely cut my career short.

I had finished settling Jordi in his room and was sat in our bedroom trying to gather my thoughts when I saw Ale step into the doorway, her hazel eyes staring at me softly from across the room.

"I'm sorry. I was thoughtless" she spoke quietly, walking over and sitting down on the bed beside me.

"It's ok"

"No, it's not" She shook her head, wrapping her arm around my back and pulling me into her side.
"I didn't mean it"

"I know that you didn't, but it still upset me. I know more than anyone what you're going through and I'm just trying to help you"

"I know"

"If I could give you my knee I would, I would take all your pain and give up playing if it meant that you would be fit again and doing what you love"

"I know you would" she spoke softly, leaning down to kiss the top of my head as I rested it on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I've been so miserable, I just feel like I can't catch a break at the moment, I only just got back to full fitness and now my knee has given up on me again"

"It's ok. I know that it's shit and you're struggling, but please don't take it out on Jordi. He's a baby, he doesn't know that you are injured and he doesn't know that it's not a toy, he just wants to be near his Mama"

"I know, I hate myself when I snap at him"

"Please can we get out of the house for a bit, just the two of us? It doesn't have to be tonight, and it doesn't have to be dinner, but I miss spending time with my wife. I love being Jordi's Mami so much, but I love being your wife too"

"I'd love to"

"How about we drop Jordi off with Mapi and Ingrid in the morning and spend the morning together, just the two of us?"

"That sounds perfect"
"Are you sure we want to leave our only child with Mapi though?" She joked.

"She might be a bit irresponsible, but you can't deny how much she loves our little boy and that she'd do anything to protect him. She's been begging me to let her have him for months, Ingrid said that she has practically filled their cupboards with all of his favorite snacks, and brought him new toys to keep at their apartment. Anyway, Ing will be there to keep an eye on them, so I'm sure they'll be fine"