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Struggling.

Flashback.

Isy had always enjoyed drinking, but it had gotten a lot worse since her ankle injury in a preseason game. She had been out for almost nine months, since her ankle had been broken by a bad tackle in a friendly against Bayern Munich. It had been one of the worst injuries that I had ever witnessed on a football pitch. Her studs were planted in the grass as the opposing player slid in at speed from a few meters away, her foot making full contact with the side of Isy's leg and snapping it clean in half.

A broken tibia, broken fibula and torn ankle ligaments all required surgery. Screws, metal plates and pins were all used to fix her bones back together again and after four months she was finally able to walk again without crutches, but it didn't stop there. She was still in a lot of pain which only got worse as she began to put weight onto her newly healed ankle. After a check up with her surgeon and subsequent scans it became clear that there was an issue with one of the screws in her leg which needed fixing, meaning yet another surgery and a further delay to her recovery. Initially she was only due to be out for six months, but with the complications it became much longer meaning that she would miss the entire season, something which she had really struggled to deal with.

She tried to stay as positive as possible for the first couple of months, coming to as many of our games as possible, working as hard as she could with the physios and putting all her effort into getting back on the pitch as soon as she possibly could, but the setback changed all of that.

After her second surgery she practically gave up, she hardly left the house except for doctors appointments and the essential physio sessions, doing as much of her rehab as she could at home. She hated being at the training center and she hated seeing anyone else kick a ball so much that she stopped coming to any of our games.

She had started drinking more since her injury, not everyday, but when she was feeling down it was her way of coping with her  emotions. I had noticed it more in the last few weeks, coming back from the last few away games to find empty bottles filling the recycling bins. I had tried to speak to her about it multiple times, but each time she dismissed my concerns. I was worried though, and the fact that she was hiding her drinking from me made it even worse.

I had no idea how bad it was, that was until the last game of the 2019 season.

_________

"Isy, please... I really want you there"

"I can't Ale. I've got rehab to do and to be honest I can't face sitting in the stands and watching you lift another trophy without me" She dismissed me almost immediately.

She spoke with such little emotion, but I knew that she was angry... angry at the situation she was in... angry about the reckless tackle which had taken almost a whole year of football from her and angry that the team had been successful without her.

Anger is a normal emotion for any footballer, it's always hard seeing your team do well without you, it makes you feel insignificant, you have doubts about your place in the team and wonder whether you are actually needed anymore. It's almost easier to see your team struggle without you, because it makes you feel needed... it makes you feel missed.

"Isy..."
"You're still part of the team, that trophy is as much yours as it is any of ours"

"No Ale! It's not! I haven't kicked a ball at all this season, I haven't contributed a single thing to winning that trophy, it's yours... nothing about it is mine so stop pretending that it is" She shouted, the anger beginning to make its way to the surface.

"Nobody except you thinks that... we all want you there with us"

"Well I don't want to be there with you. I want to stay here on my own...  I've gotten pretty used to my own company over the last few months" She spat as she left the kitchen and made her way upstairs.