Back to us | Alexia Putellas

Exhaustion.

Ale slept for hours that night, not waking until the sun had set and the moon had taken its place. It was way past midnight by the time she finally spoke, the pain clear in her voice, she kept repeating herself. I've let the team down... Why did this have to happen now? It's all my fault. No matter what I said to try and reassure her that she hadn't let anybody down, she just kept saying the same thing over and over again.

The following day we flew back to Barcelona so that Ale could get scans and see the club doctor, the scans revealing that she had in fact torn her ACL and meniscus. It was worse than we'd hoped. The cartilage damage would require a more complicated surgery and a longer recovery time. When the doctor told Ale the news, she became even more absent, she barely spoke to me at all. I knew that she was struggling both physically and mentally and I just had to be there for her, whether she wanted me to be or not. She spent most of the next few days in bed, sleeping and watching TV with Nala right by her side, I would take her meals and help her back and forth to the bathroom with little to no interaction from her. She was frustrated, snapping at me when I tried to help her, and getting angry that she couldn't do anything for herself. I didn't take it to heart though, I just knew that all of her time and energy was going into trying to accept the injury that would put her out of the sport she loved so much. She was grieving.

It was five days after her injury when I finally managed to persuade her to let Eli and Alba come and visit. She didn't want anyone to see her like this and I totally understood, but I needed some company... I needed a break.

The sound of them knocking on the front door felt like such a relief, they didn't wait for me to answer the door Instead they came straight in with hands full of bags and wide smiles on their faces trying to stay positive. Eli dropped some bags in the kitchen before heading straight for Ale who had moved from the bed to the sofa for the first time since we came home, her leg propped up with pillows and an ice pack balancing on her knee.

I watched on as Eli sat down next to her injured daughter, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and stroking her hair. Ale tried to keep a brave face, but it didn't last long. The tears began to flow as soon as she rested her head on Eli's shoulder.

I decided to leave them to it, knowing that Ale needed her mum right now, It was hard seeing her cry, but she needed to. She'd been trying to keep her emotions under control with me, pretending that she was okay, but she wasn't ok, she was hurting and she needed to accept that.

I joined Alba who was in the kitchen unpacking the shopping that they had brought with them. I started doing the dishes that had piled up on the counter over the last few days, trying to utilize the time that they were here properly so that I could get the house back in order, everything seemed to be getting out of control and I hated it.

"How are you?" Alba asked, suddenly appearing beside me placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"She's ok, won't really talk to me or anyone in fact, but-"

"I didn't ask about Ale..." She interrupted me.

"Huh?"

"How are you?" she asked again, her hand never leaving my shoulder.

"I'm ok I guess" I mumbled as I let the water out of the sink and dried my hands turning my attention to unpacking Ale's pain meds that Eli and Alba had collected from the pharmacy.

"So... are you?" Alba asked quietly.

"Am I what?"

Alba looked at me from across the kitchen, her eyes gesturing toward my stomach, suddenly reminding me of everything that was happening before Ale's injury. It had barely crossed my mind since the moment that I landed in Madrid, all of my attention had been focused on Alexia and what she needed.

"Oh- um- I don't know"

"What do you mean you don't know!?" She asked, the surprise clear in her voice.

"I haven't taken a test yet..."

I continued sorting through the medication, trying to distract myself from the topic of conversation. I couldn't do this now. Ale needed me.

"Isabel..." Alba whispered.
"Why not? You could be pregnant right now... don't you think you should find out?!"

"We promised that we'd do it together and to be honest I've got other things to worry about right now! My wife has just been injured and is out of the tournament that she has spent the last two years preparing for... she needs me. I can't do this right now!" I snapped at her, my emotions getting the better of me.

I filled a glass with water and got Ale her lunchtime pain meds, taking them into the living room where Ale was still sitting with Eli.

"Here you go," I said handing the pain meds to her and passing her the glass of water.

"Thank you" She mumbled, quickly swallowing the tablets before handing the glass of water back to me.

She adjusted herself on the sofa, resting her head back on Eli's shoulder and turning her attention to whatever was on the TV.

I looked at Eli whose hand was intertwined with Ale's stroking her thumb back and forth over the back of her palm. She sent me an understanding look, her eyes telling me more than words could.

"Are you ok here if I go and take Nala out for a walk?" I whispered, not wanting to disturb them too much

Eli nodded, sending me a reassuring look as she stroked the hair away from Ale's face.
"We'll be fine"

"I'll be back soon Ale, I've got my phone on me if you need anything" I said quietly, before putting Nala on her lead and heading out of the door.

The feeling of the hot summer air hitting my face felt like a relief, having not left the house in the last few days it felt like freedom to be outside again.

Ale had never had a major injury before, she'd picked up little niggles that had kept her out for a few weeks at most, but nothing like this. An ACL tear meant that she would be out for at least 10 months and right now that felt overwhelming. I was exhausted after looking after her for just five days. What would the next few months look like? Would we get through all of this and still be us at the end of it?

Alba's POV

About twenty minutes after Isa had left to take Nala for a walk mamá finally left Ale's side to make her some lunch. Now was my chance. I joined her on the sofa, immediately reaching for the TV remote and pausing whatever show it was that she was watching, finally drawing her attention to something other than that screen.

"Alba?!" she scolded me, shooting me a death stare before rolling her eyes at me.

I knew how much Ale could get in her own head when she wasn't able to play football and it was understandable, it had been her whole life since she was eight, but her life wasn't just football anymore, she had a wife and possibly a baby on the way and she needed reminding of that.

"No Ale, you need to listen to me"

She threw her head against the back of the sofa in protest, not wanting to have this conversation with me.

"I know that all you can think about right now is your injury, but do you not remember what was happening before that?"

She didn't say anything, her eyes staring up at the ceiling as she avoided the conversation, not wanting to talk to her younger sister about anything right now.

"You can't have forgotten... seriously Ale!? What was happening with Isy... and you?"

Her head suddenly shot up, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open as she realized her mistake, tears beginning to appear in her eyes.
"Ay dios mio, I have been so stupid... is she? are we?"

"She doesn't know... she won't take the test"

"What? Why?"

"You promised that you would do it together Ale and the only thing that she is focused on right now is looking after you"

Ale didn't say anything for a moment, her eyes firmly closed as she shook her head a few times, clearly disappointed in herself.

"Can you do me a favor Albs?"