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Relief

The news of the pregnancy came as a shock, as much of a shock as getting pregnant as a lesbian couple can ever be. We'd obviously been trying, months and months of trying in fact, but the fact that it had worked just as we'd decided to stop was a surprise for both of us and it took a few days to get our heads around it.

Isy was kept in the hospital overnight until they managed to stabilise her blood pressure and were confident that she wouldn't pass out again once we got home.

We were both really nervous about the possibility of another miscarriage, finding out that we were pregnant was supposed to be exciting, but in reality, it was terrifying and the journey home from the hospital was when Isy finally vocalised how she was feeling.

"I'm scared Ale" she spoke quietly from the passenger seat, her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"I can't loose another baby"

"I know. I'm scared too" I admitted, reaching across with my free hand and placing it on top of hers.

"I know that there is nothing that we can do to prevent it from happening again, but I just want to get into bed and stay there until the first trimester is over"

"If that's what you want to do then that's what we'll do"

"I can't just stay in bed for three months"

"Maybe not, but you can take it easy. You can rest, I'll pick up the slack with Jordi and I know that Mama will help as much as she can"

And Isy did rest. From the day we arrived back home until now, the day of our first scan, she took things easy. Due to it being the summer break I was around a lot more. I got up with Jordi in the mornings and took him to the park to wear him out while Isy rested, and Mama came over to help whenever I had to be out of the house for work.

The first scan was supposed to be an exciting milestone of pregnancy and with Jordi it was, but this time around we were both terrified. Terrified that we were going to go into that scan room and be told that there was no heartbeat or our baby wasn't growing properly. The car ride to the hospital was much like the journey home after finding about the pregnancy, nervous and tense.

I drove, while Isy sat in the passenger seat, cradling her tiny bump in one hand and holding mine tightly in the other.

"Everything is going to be ok isn't it?" She asked, looking for some kind of comfort which I so desperately wanted to give her, but the truth is that as much as I wanted to tell her everything was going to be fine I didn't know that.

"We've got to 12 weeks, you're already showing, everything's gone smoothly. It should be fine"

"We just need to hear their heartbeat and everything will be ok" she breathed, squeezing my hand tightly as she stared out of the window.

We'd only been sat in the waiting room for a minute or so when the nurse called Isy's name and we headed into the scan room. She waisted no time, climbing up onto the bed, lying back and lifting her shirt up to her ribs exposing her bump as quickly as she could. 

"That was quick" the nurse remarked, as she sat down beside the bed noticing that Isy was already ready and waiting.

"We just want to hear that heartbeat" Isy explained quickly, reaching for my hand as I stood beside her and intertwining her fingers with mine.