dr.kim and mr.min

forty-eight

namjoon hated therapy. he hated everything about it. he hated how the woman had to dumb everything down for him because he never understood her straight away. he seriously thought every word that came out of her mouth was a lie.

"mom and dad just wanted the best for me" namjoon said as he played with his fingers, "yes, namjoon, i understand that. however, your lack of resources scarred you" the woman said, "no, it did not" he said, "explain that thought to me"

namjoon paused, staring into space as he thought of something to justify his answer, "i don't know how to explain it" he frowned.

"namjoon, denying your trauma won't be helpful in the long run. now, you're an adult who's able to afford many things you weren't able to afford when you were a child. your body and mind will continue carrying the traumatic experience until you confront it" the woman said, the boy grabbed one of the fidgets she had on a small table.

the woman waited to see if namjoon answered, but the boy didn't answer, he just continued looking at the fidget.

"i'm going to ask some questions that might be a little more triggering, okay? you don't have to answer if you want to" she said, "was it your parents that made you feel stressed about money?" the woman asked.

"before i talk, you should know that people always think i'm smart and what not. i graduated at 16 and snu begged me to go to their school, so it's safe to say i'm good at math and whatnot. my twin sister, eunji, was pretty average in school." he explained before continuing.

"when we went to stores, i was the one who dealt with all the numbers which included using the scales to weigh food, calculating the total, calculating the sales tax, and calculating the cost with coupons. well, i was involved with anything that had numbers like our bills every month" he said, the woman nodded.

"what did you feel whenever you saw those numbers?" she asked, "i felt really stressed and upset. i felt like a mini adult" he mumbled, picking at his skin.

"all those things must've caused you to mature a lot faster than you needed to, do you agree?"

namjoon bit his lip, "i guess" he sighed, "do you still do a lot of things you did as a kid as a result of that?"

he nodded, "yeah, i have a financing journal and going to the grocery store takes an eternity. whenever i go, i have to weigh the food, calculate the price per ounce, use coupons and offers, and calculate the total cost. my friends don't like it" he nervously chuckled, "what's in your financing journal?"

he took it out from his tote bag and handed it to her, "yoongi told me to bring it in case i mentioned it"

the woman flipped through the pages of the journal, she saw little messages in most of the entries.

—

'kim namjoon, you spent too much money on the gas bill this month. maybe stop cooking or don't shower as often. afterall, you don't really need to eat, it's not like you work that hard'

'kim namjoon, are you stupid? your gas bill went up 5 percent. it's the opposite of what you should be doing. you're so stupid and useless.'

—

"are you the one writing the little messages?" she asked, the boy nodded and let her read through it.

she handed it back, "it's genius, isn't it?" he smiled, "it's harming you, namjoon. i'm going to give you some homework today" she said, the boy whined.

"you're going to go to the grocery store and you're not going to do any math. i don't want you think about prices. think about what foods you want, no matter the price. you're going to buy it. after that, you're going to sit with your feelings and focus on working through them and no writing in your financing journal"