One Difference

Chapter 37

Lena and Lillian are now continuing to each their lunch, remaining in comfortable silence for the last couple of minutes as they eat. It isn't an awkward silence, but they both know that there is something that hangs in the air. Lena is well aware there is more to Lillian knowing of Midvale than she is letting on, but Lena still doesn't want to push her mother. Then, on top of all that, Lena's mind is still spinning with the knowledge that Lillian Luthor had a lesbian relationship when she was younger. That knowledge just doesn't seem to fit with the Lillian Lena has known all her life, even if the Lillian Lena knows today is very different than the one before she became pregnant with Lori.

Lillian soon sighs.

"I can tell you want to ask me something, Lena. Come out with it already." Lillian says, but not in a mean or rude way or anything.

"Well.... it's just...... I'm still having a hard time with you..... being with a woman." Lena says.

Lillian scoffs.

"Now who is the homophobic one." Lillian says.

"No. It's not that." Lena replies, "It's just...... until you said that, I would have never imaged, in my wildest dreams, that you would have ever had a relationship with another woman. It.... it just doesn't fit my image of you."

Lillian sighs again at Lena saying that.

"Yes well..... that's understandable." Lillian replies, "I have actually only been with a handful of people during my lifetime."

"Really? Did you.... uhmmm..... never mind, that's too awkward to ask." Lena says.

Lillian now lets out a dry chuckle, knowing what Lena was going to ask.

"You were going to ask me if I've been with any people since Lionel died, weren't you? As you already know, from what I said earlier, the only person I'd been with before Lionel was Ellie." Lillian says.

"Uhmm..... yeah..... but you don't have to tell me.... that's.... personal." Lena says, a bit awkwardly.

"No. You are my daughter, Lena, and I love you. Of course I'm happy to tell you." Lillian says.

Even now, despite the fact Lillian has said it to her several times over the last 4 years, Lena's heart and stomach both flip every time she hears Lillian tell her she loves her. It's one of those things Lena never expected Lillian to ever say to her, while also being something, deep down, that Lena has always wanted Lillian to say to her, and mean, ever since she was this little 4-year-old girl, who was looking for a sort of replacement mom in Lillian after her own mom died.

"I.... love you too." Lena says back, while also feeling a bit awkward saying it, simply because she is just not used to saying this back to Lillian, even if she does mean the worlds.

Lillian shoots Lena a smile upon hearing the CEO say that.

"Back to the topic at hand, your father, he was the first man I was ever with, and having sex with him, for me, was just.... it felt weird and awkward.... and everything. Don't get me wrong, the sex I had with Ellie was also awkward too, but that was because it was both of our first times, every time I had sex with Lionel, over the years, it was awkward. You probably already know this, but my marriage to your father wasn't one of love, we didn't have sex because we wanted to, and loved each other, we had it to have children. After Lex was conceived, we didn't have sex again for several years, when we were trying for a second child. However, after a lot of trying, I just failed to get pregnant, so we stopped, and a few years after that, I found out your father had had an affair, which you were the result of. Anyway, after that Lionel and I didn't ever have sex again. After he died, there were a few opportunities where I took a young gentleman to my hotel room, but it still didn't feel right. It still felt awkward, and strange." Lillian explains.