40 : Love

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Logan

The warm air in my room feels still, my bed feels cold and the house feels quiet. My head is spinning and the memories of last night pound into me.

'I don't know what you would do for me anymore' that sentence spins in my head, and the said person who said it consumes my body.

I would go off the ends of the earth for Gracie if she asked me too, and that's why I am scared because I would risk my career for her in a heartbeat.

I get out of bed slowly and pull on sweatpants, I swing open my door and make my way down the hallway where Gracie's room is.

When I walk in it's a mess, there are clothes everywhere but not a lot, her Favrioute things are missing and as I walk into the bathroom and all her toiletries are gone, I know she is going to be gone for a while.

I walk downstairs feeling like shit, if only, if fucking only she waited. I know that she had every right to walk out of this house after she saw that photo but nothing happened, I pushed her away.

JJ and Archie are sitting on the table when I walk down, JJ looks up at me and then scowls and I almost forgot that he heard us screaming at each other, Archie seems utterly clueless.

"What's up?" Archie says looking up from his cereal,

"He fucked Gracie-" JJ blurts out

"JJ-"

"-and then left her, that's what's up" he says glaring at me, a loud drop of a spoon echo's the silent room.

"That's not what happened" I say, JJ scoffs before walking away and I turn to look at Archie, his eyes have gone wide, I turn on my heel and back to my room not wanting to deal with his questions.

I feel pain when I hear her name, the mention of an amazing girl who lives in this world, who deserves so much more than I can give her. But I will die trying.

Logan: Gracie, where are you?!
Logan: Gracie please let me talk to you, nothing happened I swear.
Logan: I wouldn't do that to you baby, I want so much more with you. So much fucking more.
Read at 10:57am
Logan: if you're not ready to talk that's fine, just let me know if your safe.

Gracie: I'm safe.

I let out a breath over the fact she is safe and that she responded to me, progress right.

Gracie

Gracie: I'm safe.

I sent that an hour ago, I sent it because I thought Logan would stop texting after, but I was wrong, very wrong.

I turn to face the other side of the bed, and stare at the empty place next to me. Lizzie woke up earlier than me, she stayed by my side last night stroking my hair and comforting me.

I get out of bed and stare at my reflection in the mirror, my hair is knotted and my eyes are swollen. I try my best to comb through my hair but it doesn't work out so I just leave it.

"Here" Lizzie passes me a mug of coffee as I walk in the kitchen,

"Thank you, for everything" I add,

"Your my best friend Gracie, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you"

Me and Lizzie have those friendships where you could not talk for months but still be the exact same as you last saw each other.

"Your phone has been blowing up, wanna talk about it" she says pointing towards my phone which is plugged next to the wall of the kitchen counter.

"It's just Logan"

"JJ as well, he knows?"

"He overheard last night, I should probably reply to him"

I walk over and grab my phone ignoring the missed calls and texts from Logan, I scroll to JJ and respond to his latest message.

JJ: where are you.

Gracie: at Lizzie's.

JJ: be there in 5.

———

Pounding on the door jolts me and Lizzie upright from our place on the couch, Lizzie stands up first gesturing for me to stay still. I watch as she walks over with concern on her face, she slowly opens the door.

"Lizard!" I immediately relax at the sound of that voice.

"She's over there" Lizzie says pointing him towards me, she then takes her mug of coffee and walks over to her room giving us privacy.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at him, I told him not go near you, he ignored me" JJ huffs out,

"And I love you, but it was equally my fault as his. " I say removing myself from his long greeting hug.

"How is he?" I ask, I turn my gaze to my hands playing with them as I wait for him to answer.

"Shit, but he is a dick so he deserves it" I give him a look as too remind him it's not only Logan's fault for not telling him.

"What's your plan?" JJ asks changing the topic

"I'm going to visit my parents for tomorrow night, it's only an hour drive. And then maybe I will come back to stay with Lizzie, I'll come back soon."

"Tomorrow night is finals though, you have to be there. You promised me, back in high school you promised you'd be there when I made it big" he whispers the last part and I start sobbing,

"Have you ever been in love JJ?" I ask collecting myself

"No"

"Well it feels like every bit of me is consumed by Logan's presence, every bit of him is tangled in my brain. He makes me believe that I'm perfect, that anything is possible. I don't regret one bit of my love towards Logan West. And that makes it impossible to look at him when I know he doesn't love me back."

My sobs echo off the walls in the room, my silent whimpers and silent screams cover me as JJ wraps me in his arms.

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