"We Are Just Friends"

• changes •

•Two Years Later•

•New York•

•March 1, 1993 - 6:15 AM•

•Jesika's Point Of View•

*Alarm goes off*

I groaned and rolled over on my right side. I reached over and slammed my hand over the clock to stop the buzzing. I moaned and rolled over on my back while placing my hand over my head. I finally opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. I bursted into tears as I covered my hand over my mouth and began to cry. I felt this rush of loneliness take a toll on me. Like it seems to do every morning I awake.  So much over the years has changed that caused me to leave California for good.

I bet you're wondering what it is. Well let's start from the beginning. Michael and I are living apart because his job began to affect our relationship. He put more time into his job more than me. He began forgetting our planned dates, my birthday, our anniversary. I couldn't put up with it anymore. I was tired of being second. So tired. So I figured it was time I did something for me. So I went on a job search not sure I would be lucky. I didn't care where it was as long as it took me far far away from California. Luckily, I got hired at an editorial company in New York. I was so happy that I got my life back, well sort of.

You would think that after everything me and Michael have been through we would be married with a baby. But, no. He doesn't want to end up like his parents who just divorced one year earlier. The two are bitter and hate the sight of each other at family functions. He's afraid we would end up like the pair. We have had countless arguments over it. It never seemed to get us anywhere. Our relationship became strained where we couldn't even sleep in the same room together. I wasn't the same after our last attack. Even though I'm here and not there. I still have moments where I feel like I'm being watched or followed. It's such a horrible feeling that I suffer anxiety now because of it.

It angers me that I still don't know who has been stalking me. The attacks eventually stopped. But, I still get scared at times. Anywho, I don't want to think about that right now. Let's go back to my relationship. I remember when I told Michael I was leaving to go to New York. He seemed very nonchalant. His eyes seemed relieved to see me go far far away. He seemed okay with me living 2,789.9 miles away. That hurt like hell. I've been here for 3 months and I'm still not used to my new beginning. It's because I find myself missing my stupid boyfriend. Missing my mom. Missing my best friend Daisy who is now married with two beautiful kids. I am happy whenever I'm at work. Doing what I love. But, once I'm home I get so sad and feel the need to cry.

I don't understand Michael anymore. I thought we were good. I thought we were everything. But, I guess not. He doesn't call me like he should because it always turns into a big argument. We love each other too much to break up. But, I'm not sure why we are still holding on if he doesn't even want to have a future with me. Neither one of us wants to start over with anyone new. It's like we tolerate one another because we choose to. I was so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't realized someone was knocking on my office door.

My thoughts were interrupted.
"Yes come in." My face lightened up as I recognized the familiar face poking his head through the door. I giggled. "Hey Dorian."