Just the two of us (book 2)

Chapter 69 Building up

2 weeks later

There's only a week to the court case and I'm beyond nervous, I can feel that it affects me and it affects my mood. It doesn't seem to bother Marshall or maybe he doesn't show it? Maybe it's because we stand in two very different situation in this case.
Marshall and me are doing really good, but I can also feel that Marshall is about to nuts by the fact, that he has to be home like this. I can feel that he wants to get out and experience something and I can feel that he wants to make music. Of course he uses a lot of time in the studio and he also has the boys over but I know that he wants to go to New York and LA also. We've also spend some time with the girls, it has been really nice and I think that's about the few things Marshall has enjoyed about being home this long. I can also feel this whole situation is affecting his mood and I don't know if it's the court case that bothers him, or if it really is about the fact that he has to stay in Detroit like he said himself.
My pains has gotten better and my bruises are about to disappear, my ribs still hurts but the nurse says that it can take a very long time for them to heal.
I walk down to the studio knowing that Marshall is down there, the boys have just left and it's very late. I can feel that this whole thing is affecting him because he can stay in that studio for a whole night and by that not even coming to bed. When I open the door into the studio and soft beat hits me, it sounds good and I can tell that Marshall is very much into it the way he's bobbing his head and writing lyrics down. I see his mouth moving as he's trying to rhyme words, I see his hands moving to help him follow he beat, I love this view, I love seeing him work. I sit down next to him as there's no use in talking because the music is too loud. Marshall notices me and he turns his head to look at me with a tiny smile. He quickly turns his nose into the pad again and write a few more words before he turns down the beat, still loud enough for us to hear but low enough for us to have a conversation.
"It sounds good." I compliment.
"Thanks." He says and he lays back in the chair. He looks so exhausted and I know it's because he's been working non stop lately. I miss him so much and it's weird that I do that when we're under the same roof, but he's been hiding himself in the studio so much that I barely see him. I know it's his escaping and I know he does it not to go crazy but fuck do I miss him.
"I miss you." I admit and he sighs deeply, he almost sounds irritated.
"I need this right now." He says. And I need you right now.
"I'm not trying to make a point or anything, I know that you need this but I still miss you." I say softly being careful not to anger him. He gets angry easily lately and I know that he has a lot on his mind, I get angry easily too so it's probably for its best that he gets all anger out on the papers because I can't get rid of mine.
"I know you need me right now and I know that Imma dick for being in the studio instead of being there for you, but I don't know what to do Amelia, I don't know how to make you feel better about all this shit and with me being so angry lately then it's just a bad thing for me to be around you." He explains and I get him, I do! I know that he doesn't have much patient and you have to have patience to handle my mood swings lately so I guess he's doing the right thing.
"I know." I say showing him my understanding. Marshall doesn't say anything, mostly I think he doesn't know what to say. Even though I understand why he's acting like the way he does then it still hurts, it hurts that I have this strong feeling that he wants me to go home to New York, you know.. Get a break from me. "Do you want me to go home after we've been to court?" I ask him the question on my mind.
"Do you want to go home?" He frowns and I don't know what to answer because I'm afraid to anger him either way.
"No but it feels like you want me to." I say and Marshall rolls his eyes at me which makes me continue before he gets at chance to say anything. It gives me chance to maybe talk him down a little, it gives me chance to try to make him underhand my feelings. "Even though I understand your behavior then it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt Marshall." I remind him.
"And even though I get your behavior then it still hurts Amelia." He fires back with the glare and tone I hate so much.
"I know." I try once again to show my understanding.
"Do you, really?" He asks in a tone that refers to that I don't know anything about how he feels.
"Marshall I really do, I understand that I'm hard to put up with lately, I understand that I'm not easy, I understand that I have some serious mood swings." I say.
"Do you also understand how rejected I still feel?" He asks. Rejected? What is he talking about? I must have a confused look on my face because Marshall continues talking. "I didn't wanna bring it up, but I'm still confused about all that shit which went down at the hospital and I'm still confused about that shit with Kevin, and when you brought it up that you wanted to be business partners with him again then I could still feel the mistrust about the fact that you visited him behind my back that day." He explains. I'm surprised how much he builds up inside. I thought we were over the fact that I visited Kevin behind his back but apparently not, it makes me wonder what else he has build up inside?
"I thought we got passed that." I say with pain from his words written all over my face.
"We were until you wanted to be his business partner again." He says.
"I'm just gonna run the department in Detroit, we won't even see each other Marshall so what are you so afraid of?" I ask. I can't really cheat on him with Kevin when Kevin lives in another state.
"It's not about that Amelia, it's about you being so fucking naive! Have you forgot how he fucking treated you? How he fucking robed you for everything that you had? How he put you and Rachel on the street? How he almost pulled a court case down over your head?" He raises his voice now. I know I may seem naive but Kevin treated me good in our whole relationship, we barely fought so I know he just acted out in anger and I can't really blame him, I mean, I did cheat on him.
"Like you never did something stupid in anger." I say rolling my eyes.
"Of course I had and I've paid for that." He says.
"Kim still loves you." I remind him that she's just as stupid as I am.
"What the fuck has she to do with it?" He frowns.
"You haven't paid completely for it then because she still loves you." I remind him.
"Yeah and do you think that's fun for her? Do you think that I haven't paid for it then? Are you aware of how much damage I've done to my kids by making those songs about her? Don't even begin to make a statement on shit you don't know shit about!" He gets angry now and I know that I just stuck my nose into something I shouldn't.
"Okay I'm sorry, it was a stupid comparison." I admit.
"You don't say." He says rolling his eyes and there's a few minutes of silence. I don't dare to say anything because he's so angry right now. "Do you wanna go home when the trial is over?" He breaks the silence.
"I don't know." I say and I don't even dare to look at him right now.
"You don't know?" He frowns.
"Yeah.. " I say and I look at him before I continue. "I mean.. As soon as the trial is over then you're gonna be busy with meetings, interviews and you're gonna travel a lot so I would rather go home than being stuck here." I admit.
"You don't wanna go with me?" He asks me. He's so confusing because specially the last couple of days he's made me feel like that he didn't even want me here, and he just sad there claiming what mistrust he has in me and now he wants me to go with him?
"Of course I want to go with you but lately it feels like you don't even want me here." I now begin to cry. I'm so emotional lately and I just hate to fight with him.
"Baby.." He sighs softly and he pulls me over to sit on his lap. "No matter how much we fight or how much shit we go through then I still want you here. You're my fucking queen and a king need his fucking queen, you get what I'm sayings?" He asks and I just nod. "We're gonna get through this baby."
"Don't build things up inside." I cry and Marshall pulls me even closer to him now. I feel so vulnerable and so weak right now.
"It's hard not to lately because I do everything not to hurt you or say something that might hurt you lately." He explains.
"It hurts even more when you build things up inside." I say.
"Alright, I'll keep it in mind." He says softly. I bottle myself up into him so I can lay my head on his shoulder, Marshall holds his hand on my butt and the other hand around my waist to support me. "It scares me how much I love you." He almost whispers, it's like he's afraid to say it.
"I feel the same way." I say.
"I feel sorry for you if it feels like I feel inside." He chuckles but I know he means it.
"It hurts like shit." I giggle. It actually does, I love him so much that my heart hurts.
"Baby what are you doing to me?" He laughs. I look up at him and I catch him looking down at me as well. "You make me all soft you little bitch." He chuckles which makes me laugh. I love that I make him soft, I love that I have this affect on him and I love that he admits it, because it's so rare he talks about how he really feels.
"I like that." I giggle.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" He asks but he kisses me before I can even answer him. He slowly adds the tongue and the kiss is so soft and loving, I can really feel him and it's like he's so vulnerable right now. The beat still plays on repeat and we're just so caught up in each other, it's amazing.
"Rap for me, let me hear what you've come up with." I say when he pulls away from the kiss. I love to hear him rap and I wanna hear what he has come up with on this beat.
"Alright." He says. He grabs his notepad and coughs before he then begins to rap - "I'm strap, just knowin any minute I could snap, i'm the equivalent of what would happen if Bush rapped. I bully these rappers so bad lyrically, it aint even funny, I aint even hungry, it aint even money, you cant pay me enough for you to play me. It's cock-amamie, you just aint zanie enough to rock with Shady, my noodle is cock-adoodle, my clocks koo-koo, I got screws loose, yeahhh, the whole kitten-kaboodel. I'm just brutal, its no rumor, i'm numiro uno
assume it, there's no humor in it, no more you know
i'm rollin with a swollen bowlin ball in my bag, you need a fag to come and tear a new hole in my ass." I really like it, I like the way he rhymes words and how creative he is with words.
"It's really good baby." I say and I look down on the notepad to see all the other words he hasn't put together yet, it's truly amazing how his mind works.
"I made the beat for Obie but I think it's a song I wanna be on cus the beat just inspired me." He says.
"I really like the beat because it's so soft." I say.

The whole night we just sit in the studio together and he plays me all the stuff he has been working on the past few days. I love to see him so proud when he shows himself off, it's kinda cute how eager he is to tell me what he's been working on.

I'm sorry that I suck at updating lately 😁😁 I'll promise to try to work on it!