Liquid Luck [Sirius Black]/editing

Chapter 5

My heart drops as Everliah's owl returns my letter, unopened, for the fifth time this week. I'd recognize my colour-changing ink anywhere. Mum would never. "I don't understand, Evy." I confide in my sister. "I thought all the colours would help decrease tensions. Why has she not even bothered to open them?"

"Mum doesn't think like you do. She sees the colour-changing ink as you not being serious." Everliah explains simply, blue eyes stuck in a book.

"But I am. My heart was in every word I wrote. I don't know what more I can do to fix this. What do you think?" I wait for a voice that doesn't come. "Ev, please! This is important!"

"Alright, alright." She calmly dog ears her place in the book before turning to face me. "You must admit the colour-changing ink was a little..."

"'A little' what?" I frown.

"You know..."

Stupid is what I know. She thinks I'm stupid just like everyone else. "Well what if you sent her a letter for me?" I beam. "Yes, that'd just be grand! She's still pleased with you for being prefect, isn't she? You could—"

"No, no way." Everliah opens her book back up, signifying the end to our conversation. "I won't get involved. This is not my problem."

My smile drops as my heart does. Is that what I am to her, a problem? "Oh. Right, right. Thanks for listening anyway." I stand abruptly, needing to make a quick getaway before I flood the place with my tears.

"Where are you going?"

"To pee!" I lie, making a mad dash out of the Great Hall.

I have always looked to my big sister for guidance. Her brain is big and beautiful and I'd bet it holds the secrets to the universe. But I realize now I'm on my own. She's right. My refusal to be who Mum expects me to be is not Everliah's burden to hold. I have tried all I could to impress our mother and nothing was ever enough. I am never enough.

You're okay. You're okay. You're okay.

Once in the quiet corridor, my back thuds against a wall that I slide down until my butt meets floor. I curl into a ball and shut my eyes to shield myself from the world. I'm safe in here. Nothing can touch me. I squeeze my eyes shut so tight I see floating blobs of colour. Red and purple and white and—

A gentle tap on my shoulder startles me into blinking up to see who's dared to break me away from my colours.

Sirius is staring down at me with so much concern it makes me shift uncomfortably. Curse you, Sirius Middle Name Black! "Are you okay?"

Oh no. Oh no no no NO! Not the one question that never fails to make me weep like a baby. Tears are already blurring my vision.

I hastily bury my head in my lap so he won't see and mutter the tiniest, most unconvincing "yes" of all time.

"Really? Because it looks to me like you're crying."

"I'm not." I protest weakly.

I wait a while, hoping he'll leave, but I can tell he hasn't because I feel his eyes burning a hole in my head. Finally, he says, "I won't tell anyone you are if that's what you're thinking. Or, ah, do you want me to tell someone...else?"

Like who? I haven't got anyone. Not really.

I make the most brilliant decision to pretend like he isn't standing there staring at me like some kind of creeper. Live in my delusions where everything is better. He's seen nothing.

At least that is my plan until he says my name. That's it. All it takes is my name on his lips. "I can't go home."

"What?"