Bleeding Pain
Steph's POV
I swear my days keep getting longer and harder to push through. It's so hard to keep my emotions in check when I have so much chaos swirling around me. And to make matters worse, my baby got dragged into this yet again. I hate being the cause of her sadness, even if it is momentary. Eden deserves so much better than the half-ass family I am providing for her. Everyday I look into her eyes and I can't help but think about how much of a disappointment I am. A disappointment for a mother, a disappointment for a principal, and obviously a disappointment for a wife. What man would voluntarily work all the days long, leaving no time for his family unless his life at home is unsatisfying.
I want to blame Robert for all the recurring problems in our marriage but I'd be stupid to think it doesn't take two. Where I fell off on being a good wife, I don't know. But I've failed miserably if my husband won't even look at me. He hasn't even touched me in I don't know how long. It's ridiculous how undesirable I feel.
Robert walks into the room and it's pathetic how my heart reacts to his presence. I just honestly can't remember the last time he was home and in the bedroom before I got in the bed for the night.
"Hi." I mumble shyly as he begins to dissemble himself for bed.
"What? No sarcastic remark about me being home before midnight?" He snaps back in reply.
"No." I sigh, "I'm just happy to see you decided to stay instead of going back to work."
"Wait, now you're happy to see me?" Robert scoffs, unbuttoning his slacks as he kicks his shoes off.
"I'm always happy to see you-"
"It certainly didn't seem that way at the dinner table."
"Look Robert, I'm sorry for how I acted." I say coming from a sitting position to a kneeling position on the bed. "I just felt ambushed. We hadn't even discussed California before you announced to the whole family that you are leaving."
"When would we have discussed it Stephanie?" Robert demands, slipping a white T-shirt over his head. "When you were nagging me about never being home or when you were telling me Laurel had just arrived? I don't ever see a comfortable amount of time for us to discuss anything."
"I can make time. I just never know when it's a convenient time for you." I tell him timidly.
"Oh, so now the table is turned back on me again! One again everything is left on my shoulders!" Robert exclaims, making me flinch.
"I'm not saying that." I whisper, looking down at the bed.
"Well what are you saying Stephanie? Hmm? Explain it to me so I can understand." Robert rants. "And don't you dare start crying."
I gasp inaudibly at his last statement and reach up to my cheek to indeed feel a glistening drop of sadness.
"I just want everything to work out. I want us to go back to how we use to be." I say, my voice taking on the tone of a beg.
"See, that's your problem. Always living in the past. I'm moving forward and you're still stuck in the days when I was in love with you."
"Was in love with me?" I hiccup, trying to compose myself because I know if I continue to cry he'll stop talking to me all together.
"Yes, was Stephanie. Now please stop it with all of this pitiful nonsense so I can spend the last night in my bed in peace." Robert requests harshly.
"The last night? What do you mean?" I ask, watching him turn his back to me as he sits on the bed.
"My flight to California leaves at 12pm tomorrow." He informs me.
"So soon." I realize dejectedly.
"Yes, thank God." Robert sighs, getting up to turn off the bedroom light.
He turns off the light and climb into bed but the room is still illuminated by our bedside lamps. I watch him get comfortable in the bed, shifting pillows and pulling the comforter this and that way.
"Robert..." I say quietly.
"What Stephanie?" He groans.
"I...I just wanted you to know I love you. And that I'm sorry." I say, trying to settle the night on at least a halfway decent note.
"I'm sure you do. And I'm sure you are." He answers before flicking his lamp light off.
I can feel my body shaking, threatening to erupt the sobs I'm barely managing to keep at bay.
"Turn off that light would ya." Robert yawns.
Robotically, I switch off the light and climb out of bed. Walking out the bedroom door, I walk down the cold dark hallways of the house until I get to the guests' bathroom. Pushing through the door, I close it behind me as my back slides down the wall next to the shower. Suddenly a tsunami of tears come rushing from my eyes. I try and muffle my uncontrollable sobs with my hand as I feel every bone in my body become tainted with the pain that's bleeding from my heart.
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A double update! Wow I've never done this before. But here it is. I know this chapter was kind of sad, but let me know what you think about the Steph and Robert situation and what you think Laurel should do that could possibly lift Steph out of this cloud of pain she has sunk into.
Remember to VOTE & COMMENT!
Yours Truly,
~Musix Prodigy
