i can't stand the fact
that I will never know
what if feels like
to have you
pull me close
or brush my tangled hair
back from my face
so that you can see my eyes
or taste my lips
i will never know
what it feels like
to hold your hand in mine
or what the muscles
in your back feel like
when they are tired and sore
and the remedy is my soothing hands
i'll never experience,
laying on the couch
watching movies and you
breathlessly laughing into my neck
when I make commentaries
because the movie does not go
in the direction I thought it would
i will never know how being held close
in your arms
makes me feel safe
how it feels to memorize your heartbeat
and tiny breaths while we lay in silence
all I know right now,
is that I am drowning in your eyes
and basking in the light that radiates from your grin
all I know,
is that your voice sounds like home
and calms the constant torrent in my mind
all I know,
is that I wasn't good enough
for you
