i know that no matter how many times i compare you to all of the stars in the sky or say you are the reason for the faint beat in my chest that when you look at me with those melted chocolate eyes of yours they are going to be glazed over and only softened at the corners with faint lines of pity.
when you grab my hand and those electrical notes shiver through my body and you feel my body hum due to the near proximity of yours, you're going to be proud of yourself. maybe not on purpose because you are not that rude, but you will be. knowing that even though you've broken my strings and made me scream until my throat was raw i will always make music for you.
you're going to hear my laugh and you're going to think how beautiful it is, especially after not hearing it for so long when you uttered her name instead of mine. you're going to be a little grateful that you get to hear it again, even though it's still her voice that rings in your ears.
sometimes when i'm lying on your chest as the muted music plays from another room, filling the room with soft notes of peace and remedy, a stark contrast to the torrent of thoughts completely destroying my mind on the inside even though a soft smile plays at the corner of lips on the outside, i think to myself that this could be what happiness feels like. and then i listen to the pounding and your chest and my stomach turns because i swear to god, it's beating her name.
as i sit outside on the patio with my notebook resting on my lap, jotting down weak lines you come out and put your arms around me. i close the notebook and let my eyelids flutter close, the sunlight laying softer kisses on my eyelids than you ever did, but not still not producing the warmness in my chest as yours do. you tell me that i am the love of your life as your thumb trails across my collarbone, leaving a line of lies behind. i am the love of your life, because you were not the love of hers.
the second choice lovers.
