kairos

pasta salad & spring cleaning

and I think maybe I understand now why love is so different for everyone

why you can wrap up so many feelings in one word but never truly describe it

I look at you and I swear as my eyes sweep across your figure

I find new things to love and I love them all in different ways

the curve of your smile pressed against my lips reminds me that even if I didn't do anything right that day, I put a smile on your face.

the deepness of your brown eyes looks like a foreign planet coated in pristine soil that I could just sink my toes in and be lost in forever.

your knuckles remind me of those you have broken with them but I can't seem to get past how all my pieces float back together when you tenderly graze the back of my cheek with them.

what beauty, that you know you could destroy me with those, and I know it too, but you put them to my flesh and melt my skin until I start looking like myself again.

I wish I could do the same when I kiss your scars. I can feel your heart speed up every time I press my lips to them and I try to pretend it's enough for me to heal them.

sometimes you look at me and I can see the hesitancy in your eyes to hand over your heart and I love you for it. I tell myself when I see it that I will take care of you heart better than you could ever imagine because my expectations for your happiness, are higher than your own.

other times I see that glint of recklessness. where your eyes twinkle and I can just tell they're saying to drop your barriers and touch me, actually feel me without being scared that I'll pull away as soon as you get a real taste of me and you'll be stuck chasing someone who will never taste like I do forever.

you think I don't know you, but when you have this kind of heart you cant help but to peak into other people's hearts and distract their attention so they can't see you learning all of their secrets.

i pushed you away for so long because I knew from the very beginning that I would never find anyone like you. you had touched every string of my mind and every chord of my heart and I never even knew music like that existed.

when you have something you know you will never find again, the fear of losing it often causes you to do just that.

so I didn't let myself have you.

but there is only so much holding back a girl with a bursting heart can do and for a couple years I painted over your name on my lips with lipstick.

I've decided lately that I would much rather not wear any makeup  and I would rather take this chance than lose what we could have been. forever wondering how it would feel to just close my eyes and let myself be loved by the one person I knew would do it right.

we kissed and I felt all of the butterflies in my stomach flutter their wings in contentment. when we pulled away, your lips kissed red, had my name written in white.

if only I would have done that sooner..