how come I am supposed to lose myself in your eyes when I would rather find myself in your gaze
my mom lost herself in so many guy's eyes because she forgot to remember who she was
and now I am scared to be like her, hiding away parts of myself in between the space of my stacked mattresses just because I'm scared of being alone
but I won't tell you that. instead I'll soak my thoughts into my pillow with streaks of mascara so every night when I taste my tears as I fall asleep I'm reminded of what not to become.
I will never disclose parts of myself for a man to love me just because at night my skin feels lonely without a pair of hands on its waist.
I need me, before I need anyone else because I am the one who's danced under my fairy lights in my room at three in the morning to keep from picking up the razor I've put down for so long.
not you, not anyone else. just a teary-eyed girl with her heart in her hands listening to its plea not to tear it to shreds after months of telling it that it's allowed to beat.
