when you looked at me with those chocolate brown eyes and muttered the words "just friends" I shushed the voice screaming in my head reminding me you were the perfect embodiment of everything I imagined my future to be.
I gave myself one last minute to stare into those eyes of yours and have a hope of them falling upon me with love wrapped in the creases in the corner of your eye where it meets the soft skin of your face; one I've dragged my fingers down with a tenderness, like your skin held all of the answers I had been searching for, and I wanted to take my time figuring them out.
there are only so many days you can spend torturing yourself about unrequited love and though I wanted to do it forever, I made myself move on past the tightness that clinched my insides whenever you smiled and I swallowed down the bile in my throat when you smiled at just at me and replaced it with a soft grin instead.
i allowed myself a few crying days; the days where I cry to myself in the dark that I am broken and undeserving of love but that is all i gave myself. So, even though I still get the usual pit in the bottom of my stomach and the echoing in my chest that is my heart slamming against my ribcage whenever I see you, I let it do what it wants to me. For as long as I know I have control, it can do whatever damage it thinks it is doing.
I've figured out how to fix the hurt in my heart but I do not know how to erase you from my dreams. the tears on my pillow in the morning are enough proof of that. I can change my facial expressions but I cannot trick my subconscious.
