you wrapped the bone of your fingers around my wrist
grabbed my chin with your other hand
and stared at me with eyes like knives that made so many girls sway on their feet
i watched your lips move as you formed the words and i wondered why i dreamed about kissing something that created such awful things yet at the same time
yet when i heard the words you recklessly spit out at me (because anyone who knows you knows that you do not know the definition of rational)
my body jolted with the high of another adventure with you.
"run away with me." you begged and with such beautiful animosity it was heartbreaking to see such a contradiction staring me in the face.
i smiled at you and you smirked back because your minute brain can only process things in a sense that you are the god and everyone else are merely your pawns.
i gently twisted out of your grasp and you let go with no complaint because you thought you had won.
"no," I whispered, "i will run away from you. something i should have done long ago."
I had just enough time before i sank into the floor beneath me to see anger and confusion flash across your face, enough to envoke in me a tiny bit of fear but more so than anything rejuvenation.
you were a poisoned stream in the tunnels of sewers and now I'm bathing in a remedial spring with endless sunlight.
i do not ever want to become so nasty with words and so reckless with people's lives because i am so power hungry that i can't stand a situation unless I'm standing over someone with a blade of heartbreak clutched in my hand that I've used against those i loved; not afraid to plunge said blade deep in your chest where you'd still be picking out pieces of it years later because i couldn't just stab you and leave you alone. I had to break it off inside you, because why would i make it that easy for you? I want to make you hear my name and shudder and remember how weak and useless you were beneath me and freeze in fear when you see a messy head of hair and piercing eyes in a crowd. I realized you would never remember me for the love i gave you, because i was incapable of it. only a good pretender until you were attached. at least i could make you remember how good i am at making people hurt.
now i am more careful with where i put my heart but whenever i find a place for it i will not hold back the love i have in it. all you did was prove to me how much more love this world needs. so your plan to break me has stabbed you in the back because all you did was make me blossom into a girl with a strong mind and strong heart, hands with purpose and words of encouragement. I will be soft when you and the whole world is trying to turn me hard. I will never give. I will be the opposite of you in everything just to spite you. and hope you will realize the important of softness when i am thriving and you are failing. i hope you recognize my hand when you are down to rockbottom years from now as a form of help, not someone you can pull down with you. because my love is stronger than the hate you give.
