I don't like to let people
look me in the eyes
for I am afraid
they will see something about myself
hidden away in my irises
that I don't want to know
so i advert my gaze when speaking just in case
they decide to search for my secrets scratched into the window panes of my soul
from broken nails with chipped nail polish
or maybe I am afraid of finding other people's secrets
they think they've hidden away so expertly
only to have a girl who looks into things much further than she needs to stumble upon them when the sunlight and miles of thick silence makes their minds sweetest delicacies shine like the tears glistening in my eyes under the moonlight when the air in my room becomes too stale
and the thoughts in my head too heavy
I do not deserve to know people like that nor do I want to because you can never unlearn something
and I know I will exhaust myself with making it my personal duty to go out on
a dry rotted limb for them
whenever it's a sunny day out
even if my eyes are tired and it's raining in my head
the sun reveals things that are supposed to be unknown but they shine plain as day
so I'm sorry when we make conversation I do not look you in the eye and I'm always staring at the ceiling or your hands or anything but what I want to look at
I'm trying to teach myself to stop looking for things that don't want to be found
