MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Guilty feeling.

Meredith's POV:

My heart beats erratically in my chest as my mind begins to wander, is it a sister, or a cousin, or maybe she is a sister in law? But they way she looks at him, there is definitely some sort of history there. I take in her physical appearance. She is honestly the perfect female specimen. Her long softly waving red hair hangs beautifully and her swirling blue eyes seem depthless. She gives me a slight smile so lovely it makes my stomach hurt.

"Meredith, this is Addison, my ex wife" he says awkwardly emphasizing the word ex.

My heart cracks, we spent all morning talking about past relationships and yet he failed to mention that he had been married.

"Addison this is Meredith Grey, my..." he falters "my research assistant."

My heart breaks, I don't know what I expected him to say. But I didn't expect him to lie about who I was.

"Nice to meet you" I smile putting on airs.

"Likewise" she smiles back genuinely. "Anyways, I have to go, I am meeting a friend. But I am assuming I will see you all at the Science Departments dinner tomorrow?"

"Yes we will be there" Derek smiles at her before pulling her into a brief hug.

She awkwardly waves at me as she leaves heading in the direction that we just came from. Derek turns to look at me, a guilty look plastered across his face. He goes to speak but then changes his mind deciding to reach out for my hand instead. I quickly pull it away.

"I don't think that's appropriate Dr. Shepherd." I say keeping my voice even and calm.

"Meredith?" He looks at me confused.

"I mean seeing as though I am your research assistant. it wouldn't be very appropriate for you to hold my hand" I look at him with steely eyes feeling the anger bubble up.

"Mer, please, I didn't know what else to say.." he says casting his eyes to the ground.

"You have said enough, I am going back to the hotel room." I say turning and walking out of the zoo. He quickly follows me.

"What about the baby tigers?" he pleads trying to get my attention.

"I don't want to see the baby tigers anymore.." I sigh as I get out to the gates "Just take me to the hotel please."

He whistles for a cab and does just that. We get in and the ride to the hotel is beyond awkward. We are now stood in the living room area of our hotel room with him stressfully pacing back and forth.

"Meredith, I didn't know what to call this?" He sighs gesturing to me and him.

"This? I thought that we were together Derek. As in dating." I sigh crossing my arms.

"We were, we are together Meredith, but I just didn't know what to tell Addison." He sighs running his fingers through his hair.

"You mean Addison your ex wife that you neglected to tell me about..." I sigh shaking my head.

"Meredith, when I left New York, I left that life behind." He sighs walking towards me.

"I understand that, Derek I do. But what the hell was that. don't you want to be with me?" I ask him sadly.

"Meredith, of course I want to be with you" he smiles reaching out to stroke my cheek lightly.

"You want to be with me... you just don't want anyone to know that you are with me." I laugh cynically as I pull away from his touch.

"Meredith.." he begins but I cut him off.

"Listen I am going for a drink, I need to clear my head. okay? I will be back later." I sigh grabbing my jacket and sliding it on.

"oh.. okay" he sighs looking rejected.

"Derek..." I sigh reaching to gently stroke his face, I hate seeing him upset. " We will talk when I get back okay?"

"Okay" he smiles slightly as I press my lips gently to his cheek before walking out the door and heading to the hotel bar.

Meredith's POV:

I have decided to take it slow and steady tonight. I am not trying to get drunk. I am just trying to give both Derek and I space to think. I am only on my second shot when I feel a mans present beside me.

"Hi" the stranger smiles at me.

"Hi" I reply with a smile to match.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he offers.

"well your forward" I smile gently looking at the ground.

"Bad day, I get to be forward today" he chuckles lightly.

"I had a bad day too" I admit looking into grey colored eyes.

"So what do you say, one drink" he smiles cheekily at me.

"One drink, but seriously just one" I smiles at him.

"A drink for the lovely lady" he asks the bar keep as he sits on the stool next to me.

"so what brings you too New York?" He asks his grey eyes boring into mine.

"Business" I lie smiling at him.

"Hmm" he smiles taking a sip of his drink "I bet you look hot in business attire"

"Are you hitting on me?" I ask him as I tip the contents of my shot glass into my mouth.

"Would that be so wrong?" he chuckles.

I shake my head but I can't help but smile at him.

"Meredith." I smile as I extend my hand.

"Mark" he smiles as he shakes my hand.

"Well it was nice to meet you Mark, but I should probably get going" I sigh standing up and handing the bar tender a ten dollar bill.

"Well that disappointing, I figured you could stay and chat" he flirts.

"Maybe some other time, but I will see you around" I smile at him as I leave the bar and head up to my room.

I don't know how long I was gone but when I get back Derek is fast asleep. He looks so sad, a small frown on his face. I sigh as I begin undressing. I don't bother getting my pjs on as I slip into bed beside him with nothing but underwear and my tank top on. I scoot as close as I possible can to him and smile slightly as his arm instinctively reach around my waist. I cant help but fall asleep with a guilty feeling in my stomach.

Do I tell him about the stranger. Do I take his apology. Do I forgive him for keeping things from me and for making me feel like I didn't matter to him. I guess we will find out in the morning, but for now I am perfectly content In his warm embrace. It does not take long for sleep to find me.

A/N: If anyone has any suggestions of what they want to see in the story, I am always open to incorporating things!