MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Fading until there is nothing.

Derek's POV: Monday morning New York.

She looks so lovely and so happy curled up in my arms. I don't know what the hell my problem is. Any man would be blessed to be able to call her his, and yet here I am taking it all for granted.

Meredith Grey is the definition of perfection. She is smart, stubborn, and unbelievably beautiful. Most importantly she is kind. I long to kiss her delicate lips but I know that as soon as she wakes up we will have to have a conversation that I don't want to have. If I know Meredith, and I feel like at this point I do, she isn't going to forgive me. Not for everything at least.

"Meredith wake up" I sigh stroking her face.

Her eyes slowly open and the emotion that resides in them is enough to chill me to the bones. She looks at me with a deep sadness that I can't even begin to describe. Its like someone has sucked all of the happiness form her soul. I did this to her, I broke something in her.

"Meredith, I am so sorry" I sigh looking deeply into her eyes. I want her to know how sincere I am.

She doesn't say anything she just wraps her arms tightly around me burying her head into my chest. I wrap my arms around her body and just hold her. I hold her tightly, hoping that maybe if I hold her tight enough I can mend the things that I have broken.

She pulls away, looking my deeply in the eyes before speaking. "I don't know if I can forgive you, not for everything."

"You cant forgive me for now? or you cant forgive me ever? I know I messed up Mer and I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix it" I plead with her as I watch her resolve fade.

"I met a man last night" she says looking up at me her eyes showing no emotion.

"you met a man last night?" I ask confused feeling a knot in my stomach.

"At the bar, nothing happened. He was attractive, I noticed and we talked" she replies.

"You met man last night? should I be worried?" I ask her the knot in my stomach growing larger.

"Should you be worried that I met a man last night? no. Should you be worried that flirting with that man was the highlight of my night. Yes" She sighs as she moves to get out of the bed.

"Mer?" I question getting out of bed as well.. "what does that mean.."

"I don't know Derek, I really don't know" she shakes her head as she pours herself a cup of coffee.

"What is it that you want Meredith, whatever it is, I will do it" I plead following her out onto  balcony.

"I want you to be with someone who wants to be with me! and I am scared as hell to want you" she sighs turning to look at me exasperated.

"I do want to be with you Meredith" I look at her sadly.

"I don't believe you Derek... I really don't. " She shakes her head as she takes a sip "I have some errands to run before tonight, and I need you to give me some space to think okay?"

"Okay..." I concede "but Meredith. I really do want to be with you. And I don't know how to prove that to you but I will" I sigh.

She just shakes her head sadly at me as she heads in to get changed. I can't help but feel broken. I messed this all up, and I am determined to fix it.

Meredith's POV: New York, Monday 5:00 p.m.

Today has been a very weird day. I set out this morning to explore New York, and found myself truly enjoying myself. I shopped around all the local stores, and even found myself at the farmers market. It was all so magical, like something from a move. But I couldn't help but wish that Derek was there to enjoy it with me.

Now I am in the bathroom of the hotel room  putting the final touches on my makeup. Derek is already dressed and ready, he said he would be right back. I sigh looking into the mirror one last time, more than satisfied with what was staring back at me.

I hope Derek likes my dress I think instantly feeling embarrassed that I even care what he things right now. I walk out of the bathroom only to come face to face with him, and a dozen white carnations.

"I remember that you like carnations" he smiles handing them to me.

"I can't believe you remembered" I smile back at him as he hands me the flowers.

I walk into the kitchen to find a glass of some sort to keep the flowers in. I quickly fill it and put them into the water. when I turn around Derek is looking at me his mouth hanging open.

"What? is there something wrong?" I ask him feeling self conscious.

"No. oh god no. Meredith you look gorgeous" he looks at me completely stunned.

"Stop.." I blush profusely at his words.

He doesn't speak instead he slowly walks nearer to me. His eyes portray something dangerous. A look that I have come to know and love. A look that means that he is about three seconds away from kissing me. And as much as my body craves that my mind knows that the moment his lips touch mine I will no longer be mad at him.

"Please don't Derek" I sigh reaching out to put my hand on his chest.

"I understand" he smiles gently grabbing my hand and pressing his lips to it. "Lets go, we don't want to be late, and besides I want to show you off."

I try to ignore how his words make me feel. But the moment that the words "show you off" pass through his lips I feel my anger fading. I know I am meant to be steely. That I am meant to be strong. But his sweet words and the way that he makes my stomach turn to butterflies with just one look is enough to make my anger fade until there is nothing.