MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Elephant In The Room

35 weeks

Derek's POV:

I never thought that this would be my life. When Addison and I first got married we tried so desperately to have children. We went through every single option; hormone treatments, artificial insemination, ivf. We tried everything, yet nothing happened, not even so much as a glimmer of hope that we would one day have kids. I was crushed, but my god she was absolutely heartbroken, and I think that the fact that we couldn't have kids is what drove us a part.

Time passed and I was stuck inside this terrible marriage, we were becoming more like strangers every single day. We slept in the same bed, we drank from the same coffee pot in the morning, but my god it was so empty. The entire marriage was empty and it was so obvious that neither of us loved the other, but neither of us wanted to be the one to actually call it quits.

Then she slept with mark, my best friend in the entire universe. While I was, and still am, so angry that he would do something like that to me there is a part of me that was relieved. That was my excuse, my chance to get out of the marriage. Saying 'I am divorcing you because you fucked my best friend' is so much easier than saying 'sorry I am divorcing you because our inability to conceive a child has caused us to grow apart'.

After the marriage was over I was free, free and miserable. I had completely given up hope that I would ever have a family of my own, or that I would even find love again. Then I met Meredith, and she changed everything. She was mysterious and magnetic and unattainable, I think that is what drew me in. But she was also intelligent, witty, and my god could she make me laugh.

I fell so hard for her. I fell so madly and deeply in love with her that it makes everything I ever felt for Addison feel like nothing. And by sheer luck this complete angel that is currently snoring away in the bed next to me fell in love with me too. We fell in love and by completely accident, or maybe fate, we conceived a child. A child that in only four weeks will be brought into this world, a child that I already love unconditionally.

I raise my head slightly to get a better look at Meredith, the love of my life, my wife, and the mother of my unborn child and I am so thankful. I know that I am lucky, that I don't deserve her, and yet here we are. By some sort of cosmic intervention Meredith Grey was brought into my life, and I plan to show her exactly how much I love her, every day, but especially on days like today.

I brush a few loose strands of hair off her face before placing a few soft kisses against her cheek. My light kisses seem to have woken her from sleep and I can't help but feel a little guilty as she stirs awake. Without even bothering to open her eyes she turns to face me her hands reaching up to stroke my cheek.

Her lips seem to search for mine, so I comply kissing her gently, loving the way that she sighs contently into my mouth, "Good morning" she mutters against my lips, kissing me a few more times before pulling away and finally opening her tired eyes. She blinks a few times, adjusting to the light that streams through the space in the curtains.

"Good morning" I reply stroking her cheek as I admire how beautiful she is in the morning. "How are you feeling this morning?" I inquire reaching out to place my palm against the side of her baby belly.

"Stressed" she admits, and as soon as she divulges what she is feeling it is evident on her face how stressed she really is.

"What has you stressed?" I prompt, trying to hide the smile that adorns my face the minute I feel my daughter move against my hand.

"There is still so much left to do, before the baby gets here, so much left to get" she sighs reaching down and moving my hand to a different part of her stomach so I can better feel the movements of our child. She places her hand on mine and continues to ramble through all of the tasks that we have yet to accomplish.

She has herself so worked up that tears are beginning to form in her eyes, "Meredith, it's okay, I promise it's okay" I soothe moving my hand from her stomach so I can wipe away her tears.

"No Derek it is not okay, we should have had all this stuff done by now, and now we don't have enough time." She snaps at me, I try not to let it get to me, and it is obvious by the instant look of remorse on her face that she didn't mean to get so aggressive.

"Come on, get up." I say sitting up and flinging the covers off my legs.

"Where are we going?" she grumbles sitting up and folding her arms over her chest.

"I want to show you something" I smile walking around to her side of the bed and offering her my outstretched hand.

I pull her out into the hall and over the room right across from ours. "Shut your eyes" I whisper softly into her ear. She just rolls her eyes and does exactly as I ask. I open the door leading her inside and positioning her exactly where I want her. "Okay open" I instruct the excitement heavy in voice.

"Derek" she gasps her hand gripping mine tightly as she takes in the sight in front of her. She turns to face me, tears in her eyes as she throws her arms around me hugging me as tight as she can with her belly in the way. I chuckle lightly kissing the top of her head before pulling away to shoot her a wink.

"Let me show you around" I smile pulling her further into the nursery that I have set up.

I watch as she runs her hands over the freshly painted lavender walls and across the top of the light grey nursery chair. She grabs the plush elephant off the chair, hugging it tightly to her chest as I show her the closet first where I have organized all of the clothes and shoes that we bought together as well as some stuff that my mom and sisters helped me pick out. Then I give her the grand tour, the changing table, the bookshelf that I have lined with all the books she had mentioned loving as a child.

When I show her the crib I am almost worried that she is going to burst into tears again. I watch as she reaches up, giving the elephant mobile hanging about the crib a light spin. I wrap my arms around her, loving the way that she smiles at me.

"I can't believe you did all of this" she muses quietly her eyes shining.

"My family helped, I wanted to do it." I say kissing her temple before continuing. "You are the one doing the hard part, and you have seemed so tired lately that I wanted to do whatever I could to make life easier for you."

"Four more weeks seems like a long time" she sighs placing the stuffed elephant into the crib.

"it's gonna fly, she will be here before we know it" I smile as she turns around, leaning up to kiss me.

She grips my hand tightly, as we take one more look around the room. Neither of us has to say it, we are scared. Better yet, we are terrified. But if I have learned anything in the year that we have been together, it is that Meredith and I have the kind of love that is unstoppable. I never thought this would be my life, but my god am I glad that it is.

A/N:

I know I haven't been updating consistently, but I swear I am not giving up on this story. I have big big plans for all the stuff that will happen next, I just need to get to writing. Thanks for being so patient, and for continuing to read.