MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Growing.

Six weeks later

Meredith's POV:

My mind races at a million miles an hour as I drive home. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach thinking about what I am going to do now. I decided to just skip my afternoon classes, driving home instead with plans of curling up on the couch and waiting for Derek to come home. The event of this morning replay in my mind over and over and I know that going home is the best option. There is no way I would be able to concentrate had I went to school, my mind has more important things weighing on it.

Flashbacks in Italics

I step into the doctor's office and the nurse greets me cheerfully instructing me to step onto the scale. The nurse shakes her head at my low weight, but I calmly explain to her that I have been throwing up sick all week. She brings me into a private room and begins asking me all the standard questions. I answer them easily just wanting to get a prescription for anti-nausea meds. It isn't until she asks when the first day of my last period was that my world completely shifts on its axis.

"A little over a month and a half ago" I stutter realization hitting me square in the face.

"Is there any chance that you may be pregnant?" she asks typing away at her computer.

My mind instantly flashes to that night, we didn't use any protection, not even a morning after pill. I manage to let out a small yes and she looks at me in sympathy.

She opens a cupboard pulling out a sterile container and placing it in the palms of my hands, "There is a bathroom down the hall, urinate into this and leave it in the basket, we will test it for you" she says trying her very best to be kind.

After the deed is done I sit waiting anxiously for my doctor to come tell me the news. But I don't need a test to tell me because I already know. The vomiting, the fatigue, the irritability, they are all symptoms and they are all present and accounted for. The doctor comes in knocking me out of my thoughts.

"Good morning Meredith, how are you this morning?" Dr. Andrews greets me her face cheery and bright.

"I'll be a lot better once you tell me what those papers say" I chuckle awkwardly.

The doctor sits across from me adjusting her glasses before looking me in the eyes with a smile on her face, "Well Meredith, it looks like you are pregnant."

My mind goes completely blank all coherent thoughts leaving me. I shake my head burying my face in my hands. She places a comforting hand on my knee which I promptly grasp in my own thankful for the moral support as I try to sort through all my thoughts.

"What are my options" I croak my voice sounding so foreign to my ears.

"Well you can carry the baby to term and raise it, give it up for adoption, or it's still early enough that we can talk about termination." She says her voice gentle as she lays out all my options.

"I... I don't know what to do" I look at her helplessly.

"You don't have to decide now, there is still plenty of time to make a decision" she says and I nod my head slowly letting her know that I understand.

"Now, if you would like we can do an ultra sound today just to make sure that you are pregnant" she offers.

"Yeah... yeah we could do that" I say nodding my head.

She goes to get the ultrasound and I sit there my mind racing. Am I going to tell Derek? How do I even tell him?

She comes back with the piece of machinery and instructs me to go ahead and take my pants off and get up on the table. I do as she asks laying down on my back and taking a nervous breath as she sets everything up.