MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Whats Done is Done.

Derek's POV:

I get to the restaurant in record time so I take a moment to just sit in the car. This is a big step for me, this could be potentially life changing, I take a deep breath to calm myself before getting out of my car and walking towards the restaurant.

The waiter takes me to my table where my dinner companion is already waiting. They stand quickly obviously just as excited to see me as I am to see them.

"Dr. Davenport, Dr. Kennedy" I greet them warmly shaking both their hands firmly before sitting down.

"It is so great to finally meet you in person Dr. Shepherd, but please call me Alexis, Dr. Davenport makes me feel like a stuffy old woman" the female of the two companions says with a laugh.

She is older, but far from stuffy. Her companion however Dr. James Kennedy is probably the stuffiest looking old man I have ever seen. His graying hair pairs with a full gray beard and a permanent scowl etched into his forehead. Alexis Davenport might be the happiest looking older woman I have ever met. The smile lines in her face are a very stark contrast to her fellow doctor's scowl.

"Please call me Derek" I say flashing her my best smile as I take a sip of my water.

"We are so pleased to be finally be meeting you in person Derek" Alexis begins trying out my first name.

"Ah yes, we were very impressed with your resume, we think you will make a wonderful asset to our team" Dr. Kennedy says continuing Alexis' statement.

"So, you are saying I got the job?" I ask them animatedly.

"Well now that James has let the cat out of the bag" She laughs glaring at her partner "Yes you got the job, Welcome to Harvard Dr. Shepherd" she finishes giving me an eye crinkling smile.

I am over joyed, when I put in my application for the teaching job at Harvard at the beginning of this month I never expected a call back and yet here I am about to be a teacher at the leading school of medicine in the country.

We order drinks and dinner, just general celebrating, and light conversation. I have so many questions, as do they, their main one being when can I start. I tell that I need to stay and finish out winter quarter but that I am perfectly prepared to move to Cambridge in the spring. I just can't believe that my luck is finally getting better.

My celebratory mood is cut when I hear it. That sound that haunts me both when I am awake and dreaming. Her laugh, it drifts through the air like music, unmistakably distinctive. My eyes fallow the direction the sound is coming from and the sight I see makes my stomach churn.

She looks more beautiful than I remember, it is almost painful to look at her. Her beauty however is not what causes me the most pain. It is the fact that her green eyes are trained intently on the man in front of her. She is laughing the lights of the restaurant gleaming off her dazzling smile as she places her hand on his upper arm playfully.

His hand reaches out to stroke her blonde hair, that is the knife going in to my chest. What happens next is the knife twisting in my heart. She leans across the small table pressing her lips to his. The action seems so natural that she must have done it a hundred times before. She pulls away a small smile on her face and almost by some magical gravitational force or sheer bad luck her eyes flit in my direction locking with mine.

Her green eyes widen slightly and I can see a mixture of guilt, pain, and longing in them. I don't know how long we stare at each other but eventually I break eye contact turning to my two dinner companions.

"Excuse me, I am suddenly feeling very warm, I am going to go splash some water on my face" I say awkwardly, standing up and exiting the table leaving them confused.

I make a beeline for the restroom, luckily finding it empty. I brace myself against the counter my eyes trained on the drain in the sink as I try to control my breathing. I finally get control of my emotions standing up straight and looking into the mirror.

I jump startled when I see not only my face but hers looking back at me. I whip around looking at her confused, she looks at me as if she has seen a ghost and I can't think of anything to say except, "You know this is the men's room, right?"

Meredith's POV:

"You know this is the men's room, right?" he asks and I have to fight the urge to laugh, because there is nothing funny about this.

"yes" I say quietly looking him up and down trying to drink him in just in case he disappears and I realize this is all just a dream.

"Then why are you here" he says his voice cold and I almost pained by the steeliness of his voice.

"Derek" I whisper, his name rolling from my lips like a foreign language, like it is a new word and not a name I have uttered a hundred times. I reach my hand up to stroke his stubbly cheek and am slightly taken aback when he flinches away from my touch, "I guess I deserve that" I say dejectedly lowering my hand back down to my side.

The pain in his indigo eyes is staggering and I can't help but hate myself knowing that I did that to him. I am the one who hurt him, who broke him. "Derek" I try again reaching to touch him, needing to feel him.

"Don't" he says through gritted teeth grabbing my wrist gently and returning my hand to my side.

Just the small amount of contact sends ripples through me and by the look in his eyes I know he felt it too.

"Who are you here with?" I ask trying to diffuse the tense situation, needing to talk to him, needing to hear his voice say anything.

"You lost the right to ask me any questions" he grumbles looking anywhere but at me, "I don't have to ask who you are with, boyfriend I'm guessing?"

His words cut through me light a hundred tiny daggers and I am barely able to mutter and audible yes.

"That's what I thought" he scoffs his steely blue eyes finally looking at me, "And if you really must know those are my new employers. I'm leaving Seattle"

"They still fired you?" I ask squeakily realizing that my misguided effort to save him might not have even been worth it.

"They didn't fire me, in fact the review board found our relationship completely ethical, the Dean had no problem with us being together, not that it mattered in the long run" he says sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Then why are you leaving?" I ask my heart re-shattering into a million pieces when I realize that I had no reason to break up with him, none at all.

"There is nothing left for me here in Seattle" he quietly says his words breaking my heart a little more.

"Where are you going?" I inquire the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"Harvard... they offered me a job at Harvard" he answers and for a moment the conversation is almost civil.

"You should probably get back to your date, I'm sure your boyfriend is wondering where you are" he continues and with that all civility is gone replaced again with hostility.

"Derek, please look at me" I plead needing him to look at me so that he can understand my next words.

"No, you don't get to push me away and pull me back when it is convenient for you Meredith. What's done is done" His words hurt, but although he said it harshly my name on his lips is pleasurable to me.

He pushes passed me back into the restaurant, leaving me standing alone in the men's room his last words replaying in my mind. What's done is done. But what if it isn't?

A/N: I will update tomorrow!!!