MerDer: Make Your Heart Feel

Enough For You.

30 weeks

Meredith's POV:

When we are born, there are a certain number of things that we just know how to do. We know how to cry, eat, sleep, and most importantly we know how to breathe. It isn't something we have to learn in as we go like speaking or walking, we just do it, no questions asked. Breathing comes naturally, and unless by some unfortunate accident one is born without fully functioning lungs it is something that we continue to do just fine throughout the rest of our lives.

All this considered, here I am in a room of other pregnant women and their partners sitting on the most uncomfortable exercise ball learning how to breathe. Derek's hands rub small circles into my back as the local Lamaze instructor talks us through proper breathing techniques. I comply with her instructions, I was the one who wanted a natural birth, and if this is what my Doctor recommends I am willing to sit through this torture.

I lean back into my husband's chest craning my neck so that my lips are right at his ear, "This is fucking stupid" I whisper watching as he presses his lips into a tight line to refrain from laughing. I give him a little smirk before turning back to the instructor and continuing to follow her instructions. I feel him press a light kiss to the top of my head and I swear that he can make any boring situation better.

Our breathing exercises have commenced and now we are all sat in a circle on the most vomit inducing neon yoga mats. I almost dragged Derek the hell out of there when I heard that we were sat in this circle so we could all share. The instructor forces us all to divulge information about our pregnancies, our lives, our families. The intrusiveness of it all pains me, no one here deserves to know me that well.

So, I let Derek talk about his experience, his thoughts, and feelings because god knows that Derek is a bit of an over-sharer. While I normally would be slightly perturbed by his tendency to tell people our personal business, his words are so beyond sweet. He speaks of his large family, how much he loved growing up with the chaos and the slight dysfunction, how he always knew he wanted kids, lots of them. He even gets a little personal telling them that he began to feel like he was never going to get the family that he had always wanted, but then he met me, and quickly we became a family of two and how ecstatic he was when he found out that we would soon become a family of three and how he hopes to someday have and even bigger family.

I feel myself tensing at his words, the idea of having one child is slightly unnerving, the thought of having multiple children makes my brain want to explode and I thank god that they don't ask me my feeling on the subject. I would hate to either give an answer that hurt his feelings or was too concrete. I don't know what I will want in the future, all I know is that I more than want the child currently squirming around in my uterus. I am not sure if I will ever want more than what I currently have and my mind begins to worry if that will be enough for him.

Derek's POV:

Since our birthing class this afternoon Meredith has seemed kind of off. She blamed it on being exhausted, but she forgets how well I know her, and while I am sure she is exhausted I get the feeling that there is something more to her odd behavior. I try not to press her, she hates it when I interrogate her, but I hate not knowing what is weighing on her mind.

All my worries of her earlier mood seem to dissipate as she rhythmically moves her hips back to meet my gentle thrusting. I am lost, just completely and utterly lost in the feeling of her, and I do not want to be found. I had figured with her recent onset of exhaustion that her sex drive would lessen, I was wrong, the only thing that has changed is the pace and intensity at which we copulate.

So here we are laying side by side her back pressed firmly against my chest as I revel in every single inch of her. I don't think I have ever encountered anything as beautiful and wondrous, as ethereal as she is. While true perfection is unattainable I swear, she is the closest anyone has ever come. She spellbinds me, I am just absolutely engrossed in her as I let my hands roam the soft velvet skin of her body and my lips find that sweet spot on her neck.

"Mm.." she hums blissfully her foot running down the length of my calve. My hand finds the perfect grasp on her waist as my own gratification threatens to overwhelm me. I try to stave off my impending climax, not wanting my pleasure to eclipse her need. I suppose I am lucky as her body begins to tense up beside me.

She comes quietly, which Meredith Grey is not known to do, and had I not had my eyes on her I don't think I would have noticed. The look of ecstasy on her face as she endures her sexual high is enough to fill any man with pride, and it is not long before I join her in pure euphoria. Our breath comes out in quiet huffs as I envelop her within my arms, loving every second of this.

We take a moment to let the quiet sink in, knowing that in nine measly weeks quiet is something that we are unlikely to ever have again. She intertwines our fingers bringing my hand up to her lips and kissing it affectionately before snuggling back against me. I press a light kiss to the side of her head, feeling so incredibly lucky to get to share such intimate moments with her.

"I lied earlier, when I said I was just tired" she divulges confirming my earlier suspicions.

"Tell me what's bothering you Mer" I implore, kissing her exposed shoulder in encouragement.

"You talked earlier about wanting a big family, more kids." She pauses and I get the feeling I know where this is going, "I'm just not sure if I want more kids, I just don't want to disappoint you... I want to always give you what you want, but I am not sure if I can give that to you, and I hope what I can give is enough for you" she mumbles.

"Mer" I sigh at her complete silliness, "whether we have more children in the future is completely up to you and something we can discuss down the road."

I cuddle into her sweep her hair from her face so I can look at her, "I would like a big family, but I don't need it. I have everything I need right here. You and Laela are more than enough for me". I watch as she smiles looking at me out of the corner of her eyes.

"I love you so much, you always know exactly the right things to say" she chuckles before letting out the most adorable yawn.

"I love you too, now let's get some sleep, I don't about you but I am exhausted" I chuckle reaching down and pulling the bedcovers up and over our naked bodies.

"We better get used to being exhausted, 9 weeks from now and we are going to be permanently exhausted" she giggles, the sound music to my ears.

"It will be worth it" I smirk, and while I may be slightly joking, I mean every word of it. I know that all the exhaustion and completely sleepless nights will be 100% worth it in the end if it means having a family with her.